1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,170 2 00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,600 Gail Forsyth-vail: Welcome. 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,430 I'm Gail Forsyth-Vail, and I am Adult Programs Director 4 00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:15,250 in the Faith Development Office at UUA. 5 00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:18,190 And this is the November Faith Development Office webinar 6 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:22,270 on Spirituality and Aging. 7 00:00:22,270 --> 00:00:26,830 I am thrilled to have with us the Reverend Karin 8 00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:30,400 Peterson and the Reverend Bruce Marshall. 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,950 Karin is a spiritual director and he's 10 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,410 the author of a Tapestry of Faith curriculum called 11 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,840 Hindsight, Humor and Hope. 12 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,810 And Bruce is a chaplain at Riderwood Village in Silver 13 00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:43,180 Springs, Maryland, and the author 14 00:00:43,180 --> 00:00:48,250 of a to-be-published soon book called, tentatively called, 15 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,350 Meaning and Spirit in Aging. 16 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:53,680 So I'm going to actually let each of them 17 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,350 tell you a little bit more about themselves, 18 00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:59,200 and how they came to be doing the work that they're 19 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,360 doing with older adults. 20 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,720 And then we will proceed into the rest of the webinar. 21 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,900 So, Karin, do you want to introduce 22 00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,900 yourself a little bit? 23 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,880 Karin Peterson: Thank you, Gail. 24 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:17,110 I'm Karin Peterson, I'm a spiritual director, 25 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:22,300 and before retiring from active UU ministry, 26 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:26,080 I served as a college chaplain, and a parish minister, 27 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,420 and a district administrator. 28 00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:31,750 And the experiences with different age groups 29 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:37,480 has helped me create a series of workshops for elders. 30 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:43,510 And also in a similar way, my years as a public school art 31 00:01:43,510 --> 00:01:46,640 educator before training for the ministry, 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,540 led me to encourage elders to express 33 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:52,596 themselves very creatively. 34 00:01:52,596 --> 00:01:54,860 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 35 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:58,021 Bruce, you want to say a little bit more about you? 36 00:01:58,021 --> 00:01:59,100 Bruce Marshall: Sure. 37 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:00,930 It's good to be with you all. 38 00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,980 It's an important topic that we're addressing, 39 00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:05,860 so I'm glad to see the interest that's out there. 40 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:10,539 I was ordained as a UU minister in 1975, a long time ago. 41 00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:13,870 Most of my ministry has been to congregations 42 00:02:13,870 --> 00:02:15,540 in the parish setting. 43 00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:17,050 But eight years ago, I was called 44 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:20,050 to be the chaplain for a UU committee in Riderwood 45 00:02:20,050 --> 00:02:21,550 Village in Silver Springs, Maryland, 46 00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:27,930 which has about 2,500 residents total, about 120 of those 47 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,380 identify as UU. 48 00:02:29,380 --> 00:02:31,770 I was asked to serve them, and also 49 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:35,320 to represent Unitarian Universalism in that community. 50 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,140 And it has been a very rich experience and a privilege 51 00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:44,400 to be able to share this time in people's lives with them. 52 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:50,800 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 53 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,020 What I'm going to do is invite Bruce to do our opening words, 54 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:58,362 our chalice lighting words. 55 00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:00,680 Bruce Marshall: The words in this chalice lighting 56 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,790 are by an 85-year-old man named Richard, who I interviewed 57 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,800 about his experience of aging. 58 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,730 At the end of our conversation, I asked him, 59 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,650 what would you tell younger people who are looking ahead 60 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,970 to their own aging? 61 00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:14,490 This is what he said. 62 00:03:14,490 --> 00:03:16,570 He said, it's vital that you stay in love, 63 00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,310 whatever that happens to be. 64 00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:21,655 Rather than letting the world pass by. 65 00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:23,770 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 66 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,060 I love those words. 67 00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:29,530 We're going to talk about who the elders are in our faith 68 00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:30,250 communities. 69 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:35,950 And really note that there are probably 70 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:39,340 three generations of elders in your faith community. 71 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:43,120 The oldest of those elders are the World War II generation, 72 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,041 they're getting quite along in years. 73 00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:46,915 And we're going to, in this webinar, actually 74 00:03:46,915 --> 00:03:49,630 be focusing on the other two generations-- 75 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:54,260 the baby boom generation, and the silent generation, 76 00:03:54,260 --> 00:04:04,990 which is the generation born before 1946. 77 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:08,830 I would like to invite Karin to tell us a little bit more 78 00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,270 about baby boomers. 79 00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:13,700 The characteristics of baby boomers. 80 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,250 Karin Peterson: Well, baby boomers 81 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:21,220 are caught up in sort of a surprise time, 82 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,160 because if they've been a parent, 83 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:30,340 or have other connections with a child that they followed quite 84 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:34,990 a bit in their development, they are watching them grow up. 85 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:39,740 And then suddenly they're off, these offspring 86 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:42,780 are on to other things in their lives. 87 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:47,050 And their development is still continuing in this way. 88 00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:50,650 But when there's an empty nest of any kind 89 00:04:50,650 --> 00:04:56,260 there is no longer an intense focus on a child's development, 90 00:04:56,260 --> 00:05:00,190 and suddenly you sort of have to take a look at your own. 91 00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:03,880 So what becomes those people's identity? 92 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,930 I mean, they still, you're still thinking young. 93 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:15,070 And the focus of our whole world, really, is on young. 94 00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:19,320 Being young, looking young, staying young. 95 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,140 In other words, nobody particularly 96 00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:24,660 thinks it's great to get old. 97 00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:31,810 But it's part of our lifespan, and it's a very important part. 98 00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:36,030 So it really is that people do resent 99 00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:40,590 moving into what's been popularly identified as a less 100 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:45,360 appealing time of life. 101 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,530 Each of those other stages beforehand promised new growth, 102 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:52,680 and they promised development, and adventure. 103 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,590 And this doesn't have to cease, it's 104 00:05:55,590 --> 00:05:59,560 just that it's going to be different. 105 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,730 So there's also awareness of the gradual changes 106 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,990 in their bodies. 107 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:10,650 When baby boomers are seen changes, they're gradual. 108 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:17,460 They're not the severe, or life-threatening, 109 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,010 or life-ending ones that happen later. 110 00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:28,760 So they have a chance to work with their medical profession 111 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,560 and keep their health. 112 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,440 If they enjoy leadership, it's a surprise 113 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,620 to learn that there are new ways of leading. 114 00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:40,020 They don't have to be in charge of everything, 115 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:43,650 they can step aside and help others 116 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:46,620 to lead, or to learn to lead. 117 00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:55,200 And become themselves role models, and mentors. 118 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,300 Because we're always role models, whether we 119 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,770 realize it or not. 120 00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:02,670 Role models to those coming after us. 121 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:05,670 So it's also a time to be learning 122 00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:08,690 to see multiple points of view. 123 00:07:08,690 --> 00:07:11,580 We've been doing that as we've gotten older, if we're 124 00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:13,110 paying attention. 125 00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:16,680 And we're maybe more, hopefully, more 126 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:23,040 able to work through disputes and to make compromises. 127 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,610 So it's a time to seek experiences 128 00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:29,730 that are broadening, and opportunities 129 00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:31,860 to learn new things. 130 00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:35,460 It's a very special time. 131 00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:38,689 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 132 00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:40,230 Bruce would you like to talk a little 133 00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:42,660 about the silent generation, and the characteristics 134 00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:44,865 of that silent generation? 135 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,240 Bruce Marshall: The people I work 136 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,970 with in the retirement community, 137 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,640 the average age is about 85. 138 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:54,610 It covers a range of between 75 and 95. 139 00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:59,370 And I can identify a series of issues that people at this age 140 00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,080 have to deal with. 141 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,110 The first one is loss. 142 00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:06,860 One of my people said to me, summarized it very succinctly, 143 00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:09,320 she said aging is about loss. 144 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,020 It's about loss of people. 145 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,340 You lose your place in the world. 146 00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:19,710 Loss of capacity to do things, both physically and mentally. 147 00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,960 How you deal with diminishment is 148 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:26,850 a key factor in how well live at the stage in life. 149 00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:28,530 Second issue is identity. 150 00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:29,030 Who am I? 151 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,740 Who am I now at this stage in life? 152 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:35,220 I don't look the same, I can't do the same things, 153 00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:38,350 I don't have the same place in the world. 154 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,400 So who am I? 155 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,880 I think this is particularly difficult for men 156 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,300 to deal with the identity issue. 157 00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:46,920 Meaning. 158 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,810 Question of meaning, what matters to me. 159 00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:51,940 How does that change now I'm older, 160 00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,190 and how does it stay the same? 161 00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:57,080 What's the relationship between those two? 162 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,480 Spirit. 163 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,540 I define spirit as something what gives you life. 164 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:05,400 So what does give me life at this stage in my existence? 165 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,960 How do I stay engaged with other people, 166 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,730 with what's going on in the world? 167 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:13,740 And finally community. 168 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:14,970 Community is a challenge. 169 00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:19,680 Relationships with family and relationships with friends. 170 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,480 Risking new friendships. 171 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,690 By this time in life, I will have lost family members 172 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,410 I will have lost friends. 173 00:09:26,410 --> 00:09:29,640 Will I chance new relationships, given the awareness 174 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,680 that these, too, will end. 175 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,580 So I think all those are key issues for people 176 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:39,620 in this stage of life. 177 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:46,610 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you, Bruce. 178 00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:50,800 I'd like to spend a few minutes and actually identify 179 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,920 the gifts that the older adults bring to the congregation 180 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,380 or community. 181 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,840 I think it's important to note them, lift them 182 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,390 up, and remember them. 183 00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:04,150 So I invite either one of you to jump in 184 00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:05,650 and then the other can jump as well. 185 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:09,250 What are the gifts that older adults 186 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:12,250 of both of those generations bring to the congregation 187 00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:21,410 or to the community? 188 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:24,910 Karin Peterson: They bring much experience 189 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:28,760 and for sure not all of it is pleasant. 190 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:33,910 But again, hopefully they've learned. 191 00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:37,610 And these experiences help them have insight 192 00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,950 into dealing with challenges. 193 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:44,810 And they can be good mediators when there are differences 194 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,000 of opinion between people. 195 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,690 And they can be valuable mentors to the young people and those 196 00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:52,880 learning to be leaders. 197 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:59,750 And they understand what it is to have a faith development 198 00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:02,510 that continues throughout life. 199 00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:07,780 And is nourished and strengthened 200 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:14,570 through different challenges and opportunities and curiosities 201 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:21,090 that have been a part of their living. 202 00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:22,520 Bruce Marshall: There are a number 203 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:27,400 of gifts that older adults can bring to our congregations. 204 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,120 First one I think is really important, 205 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,650 which is to be role models, to show younger generations how 206 00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,580 to age well. 207 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:39,610 That aging is a natural part of life, is not to be feared. 208 00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:42,055 That there are opportunities as well as losses, 209 00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:45,500 as there are in all stages of life. 210 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:49,580 As Karin has mentioned, we are a society that hides from aging. 211 00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:52,190 It doesn't need to be that way. 212 00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:56,650 I think older generations can [INAUDIBLE] 213 00:11:56,650 --> 00:12:00,780 by simply how they live. 214 00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:04,610 Secondly, in a congregation, older people 215 00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:07,160 offer institutional memory, for those who have been around 216 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,040 for a long time. 217 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,970 They also offer perspective. 218 00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:13,300 Every congregation I've ever been in, 219 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,960 there have been a few respected elders 220 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,570 who were able to identify a key point in a discussion, 221 00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,665 and when they spoke everybody listened. 222 00:12:22,665 --> 00:12:24,400 It's a really important role. 223 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:30,680 Somebody who can stand back from the fury of an issue and just 224 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,500 offer some leavening to it. 225 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,440 Some sense of perspective. 226 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:42,260 The third gift is to demonstrate to us that elderly people are 227 00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:43,480 people first. 228 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,100 That their aging is a secondary part of who they are. 229 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:51,020 We are so quick to jump to categorize people. 230 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,000 I know I did that myself when I started working 231 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,740 at the retirement community. 232 00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:58,250 When I first walked in all I saw were wheelchairs, and walkers, 233 00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,420 and frail people. 234 00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:02,530 And I categorize them that way. 235 00:13:02,530 --> 00:13:05,270 That changed for me when I got to know 236 00:13:05,270 --> 00:13:08,050 these people as individuals. 237 00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,280 Then their frailness no longer defined them, 238 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,980 their humanness did. 239 00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:14,260 I think older people in our congregations 240 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,650 can demonstrate that for us. 241 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,400 The last gift I want to point out 242 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,790 is that older people in our congregation 243 00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:26,690 can appreciate and enjoy the other generations 244 00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:28,666 in the congregation. 245 00:13:28,666 --> 00:13:32,510 It reminds me that there's an often-noted special link 246 00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:35,040 between grandparents and grandchildren. 247 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,090 The grandparents are less driven than the parents, 248 00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:40,490 they can actually be there for the grandchildren. 249 00:13:40,490 --> 00:13:43,460 They can get to know them and appreciate them simply 250 00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,590 for who they are. 251 00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:49,400 Our elders can be grandparents to our congregation. 252 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,030 Just step back a little bit from whatever 253 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:54,170 controversies or issues there might be and just 254 00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:57,760 appreciate that congregation for the special group of people 255 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,175 that it is. 256 00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:04,820 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 257 00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:10,640 We're going to talk about six different faith development 258 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:16,020 tasks that are part of the faith development of older adults. 259 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:20,480 And I am going to invite Bruce and Karin to alternate speaking 260 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,360 first about these. 261 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:27,710 To say a little bit about the task, and the stories, 262 00:14:27,710 --> 00:14:30,414 and sort of reflect a little bit on each of these tasks. 263 00:14:30,414 --> 00:14:32,747 And the first one-- I'm going to ask you to speak first, 264 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:37,430 Karin-- is the first older adult faith development task is 265 00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:40,430 to re-evaluate life, and to take stock, 266 00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:42,880 and to examine long-held beliefs and values. 267 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:47,285 I invite you to reflect a little bit about that. 268 00:14:47,285 --> 00:14:52,810 Karin Peterson: Well, this is the part that is exciting, 269 00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:55,400 and it can be a real eye-opener to someone. 270 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,030 And it can be a time of acceptance 271 00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:01,640 of things that had very difficult in their life. 272 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:08,686 If they take the time to do some journaling about it, 273 00:15:08,686 --> 00:15:13,570 and some forgiving, and letting go of grudges. 274 00:15:13,570 --> 00:15:18,040 It's not something that is easy and it's not automatic, 275 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,100 by any means. 276 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:24,460 But it's a time, especially if you have an opportunity 277 00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,410 to do it-- and in the workshops we 278 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:33,760 do it using the creation of a lifemap, or a lifescape. 279 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,960 And we use color, and we use line, and symbols. 280 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:43,840 And each person develops their own way 281 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,880 of doing the expression of their life. 282 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,930 And when you see your life played out 283 00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:56,770 you understand learnings they come from different things 284 00:15:56,770 --> 00:15:57,850 that have happened. 285 00:15:57,850 --> 00:16:04,900 Losses, opportunities, what happened 286 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,270 because of something particular happened, 287 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,880 did it make you stronger? 288 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,740 Where did you go from there? 289 00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:15,030 And when you can lay this out look at it, 290 00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:18,460 and work with color, however you want 291 00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:23,890 to do that, it's pretty exciting to look at. 292 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:27,700 And everyone, again, has their own way of doing this. 293 00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,550 That's why I don't have an example 294 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:33,640 to show you because it can be as if you were in a hot air 295 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,930 balloon looking at 20 miles-- would be out 296 00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:41,230 where you are now present, and looking back to your birth. 297 00:16:41,230 --> 00:16:48,250 The different milestones, the people we met along the way. 298 00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:53,290 It's exciting, but it's really a valuable thing 299 00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:59,780 to do about your life because it's satisfying, 300 00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:03,784 but it's also healing. 301 00:17:03,784 --> 00:17:04,990 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 302 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,892 Bruce, do you want to reflect on that a little bit? 303 00:17:07,892 --> 00:17:09,796 Bruce Marshall: Just want add one-- 304 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,920 I think it's really important at this stage in life 305 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,010 to offer opportunities to tell our stories, 306 00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:18,910 and to reflect on experiences, and try 307 00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:21,210 to fit them into patterns. 308 00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:23,515 And I just want to mention one program 309 00:17:23,515 --> 00:17:25,140 that we offer that's really very simple 310 00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:28,960 and probably could be adapted easily for a congregation. 311 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,785 Once a month we get together and it's called a conversation. 312 00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:36,780 And in advance I will give a question 313 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:38,470 that they will have to think about, 314 00:17:38,470 --> 00:17:40,210 and that we'll all address. 315 00:17:40,210 --> 00:17:42,010 The question for the next month is 316 00:17:42,010 --> 00:17:43,830 teachers, who have been your teachers, what 317 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,910 have you gotten from them. 318 00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:48,220 Last month I asked each person to bring 319 00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:52,270 a photograph of themselves from a different time in their life, 320 00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:55,430 and talk about that time and what was going on then. 321 00:17:55,430 --> 00:17:57,790 We've had conversations about our hometowns, 322 00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:00,930 we've had conversations about our parents, 323 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,340 and we've had conversations about our children. 324 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:05,980 And we've talked about our names, how we got our names, 325 00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:07,890 and what the histories have been with them. 326 00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:10,640 We've talked about our most interesting jobs. 327 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:15,520 We've talked about how our generations have shaped us. 328 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:22,100 From month to month, these have been very rich conversations. 329 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,741 Obviously we're doing it with an older age group, 330 00:18:24,741 --> 00:18:26,740 but I think in a congregation you could probably 331 00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:32,070 do that with multi-generations and it could be a really 332 00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:34,760 interesting experience. 333 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,580 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 334 00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:41,350 The second faith development tasks for older adults 335 00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:44,950 is to come to terms with one's own mortality. 336 00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:47,804 And I'm going to ask Bruce for you to reflect on that one 337 00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:50,085 first. 338 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,590 Bruce Marshall: At this stage of life of the people 339 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,720 I'm working with, mortality is partially 340 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,610 about anticipating one's dying. 341 00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:02,020 But it's mostly about limitation. 342 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,830 We realize that we're mortal when 343 00:19:03,830 --> 00:19:07,950 we come up against limitations to what we can do and be. 344 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:12,010 And the limitations escalate as we get older. 345 00:19:12,010 --> 00:19:14,000 So a challenge of the older years 346 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:19,210 is to accept that limitation gracefully and learn 347 00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:20,920 how to adapt. 348 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,020 If I can't do this, then I can do that. 349 00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:26,850 I was talking to somebody over the past week who 350 00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,860 kind of admitted that she couldn't attend 351 00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,490 professional sports events anymore, 352 00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:33,940 because the sports facilities just were not 353 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,580 comfortable to get around it. 354 00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:37,210 But she said she can go to the opera, 355 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,709 she can go to the theater, which are 356 00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:41,540 much more easily accessible. 357 00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:47,260 So I think that kind of dealing with one's limitations 358 00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:50,280 is an important factor. 359 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,510 Fear of death is not as much of a factor as one might expect. 360 00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:58,850 What is very common is fear of what happens before death, 361 00:19:58,850 --> 00:20:02,280 of physical suffering, loss of capacity, 362 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,550 and especially losing memory. 363 00:20:05,550 --> 00:20:08,410 If I name one thing that the people I work with 364 00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:11,100 are the most concerned about it's losing memory. 365 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,720 Because losing memory is loss of self. 366 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:18,196 That's really where I find the mortality issues appearing. 367 00:20:18,196 --> 00:20:19,630 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 368 00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:22,770 Karin, do you want to reflect on that a little bit, please? 369 00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,560 Karin Peterson: Well, I'm going to go back 370 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:30,890 to the workshops, because it is a group of people, 371 00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:35,776 and within this age group. 372 00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:44,240 When I've led this before the age range 373 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:50,810 is always from the later 50s all the way up into the 90s. 374 00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:58,520 And we think of how old we are as how many years of experience 375 00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,330 we have. 376 00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,970 How many years of life experience. 377 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:10,460 And in those sharings that happen, 378 00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:16,010 it sort of brings people to understanding lifespan 379 00:21:16,010 --> 00:21:17,390 a little bit better. 380 00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:29,090 And their mortality as part of the overall picture of life. 381 00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:31,940 It's difficult, it certainly is difficult 382 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:36,470 when you're in your 50s. 383 00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:41,120 That's why having a group, having a supportive 384 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:46,460 community of trust is a wonderful thing 385 00:21:46,460 --> 00:21:52,870 in regard to coming to terms with one's own mortality. 386 00:21:52,870 --> 00:21:57,560 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 387 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,150 The next task I'm going to talk about 388 00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:02,570 is exploring or coming to terms with changes 389 00:22:02,570 --> 00:22:04,460 in schedule and day-to-day activities 390 00:22:04,460 --> 00:22:09,080 due to retirement or changes in responsibilities. 391 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,300 Karin, you talked a little bit about empty nests, 392 00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:13,520 but you want to talk a little bit maybe 393 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:19,082 about retirement and the ways in which it affects people? 394 00:22:19,082 --> 00:22:22,190 Karin Peterson: It's hard, certainly 395 00:22:22,190 --> 00:22:26,000 hard at the beginning to realize that you 396 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,250 have all this open time. 397 00:22:28,250 --> 00:22:30,170 And you're not running here and there, 398 00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:32,640 and scheduling, and double-scheduling, 399 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:41,060 and having to be every place completely on time. 400 00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,850 On time is still important, but things 401 00:22:43,850 --> 00:22:48,440 begin to take longer to prepare for, just the daily things. 402 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,700 And to squeeze in medical appointments, 403 00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:58,550 which do increase, but that's a good thing in regard 404 00:22:58,550 --> 00:23:05,720 to the care that we get now, and the increase in years 405 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:10,670 that people are living, and living in good health. 406 00:23:10,670 --> 00:23:18,830 So it's a matter of being realistic about changes. 407 00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:22,100 I think one of the saddest things 408 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:29,000 to see happen when someone is in this new time of life 409 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,750 is to feel that you have to have your time as chocked full 410 00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:37,000 as you did before. 411 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,220 It's a loss, really, because it's 412 00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:45,960 a time when you can develop new interests, and new groups. 413 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,470 I think we're going to talk about that a little bit more. 414 00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:52,220 But it's an important time, and as part 415 00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:57,530 of reevaluating your life you do want 416 00:23:57,530 --> 00:24:00,770 to figure out ways that are-- things 417 00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:02,870 are a little bit easier to do. 418 00:24:02,870 --> 00:24:09,510 And don't sweat the small stuff. 419 00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:11,090 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 420 00:24:11,090 --> 00:24:12,720 Bruce? 421 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,720 Bruce Marshall: I think one thing which 422 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,740 happens as you get older, in their later years, which 423 00:24:18,740 --> 00:24:21,140 has big implications with scheduling 424 00:24:21,140 --> 00:24:24,680 is just the lack of energy. 425 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,630 People talk about when they hit their mid-to-late 80s they just 426 00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:30,380 can't do the number of things that they're 427 00:24:30,380 --> 00:24:32,030 used to being able to do. 428 00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:35,090 And so that means that you have to change your schedule, 429 00:24:35,090 --> 00:24:37,140 to change your day-to-day activities, 430 00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:40,040 you have to think more about what 431 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,480 your day is going to look like. 432 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,280 That takes an adjustment. 433 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:47,590 To accept the diminishment of energy 434 00:24:47,590 --> 00:24:52,760 and still try and do the things that are most important to you. 435 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,110 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 436 00:24:57,110 --> 00:25:00,730 The next one is facing concerns about health and finances 437 00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:03,510 and an appropriate place to live. 438 00:25:03,510 --> 00:25:08,575 And I think we're going to begin with you on this one, Bruce. 439 00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:09,950 Bruce Marshall: The people I work 440 00:25:09,950 --> 00:25:12,320 with in this community have already made decisions 441 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,740 about where they're going to live. 442 00:25:14,740 --> 00:25:17,190 There are various types of living situations that 443 00:25:17,190 --> 00:25:18,770 are available for older people. 444 00:25:18,770 --> 00:25:22,796 There's aging at home, which has become a movement. 445 00:25:22,796 --> 00:25:24,170 There's living with family, which 446 00:25:24,170 --> 00:25:26,220 is kind of the traditional way. 447 00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:28,590 And there's moving into a retirement community. 448 00:25:28,590 --> 00:25:31,747 Three options. 449 00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,330 It's interesting to me that the people 450 00:25:33,330 --> 00:25:35,770 who live in that retirement community 451 00:25:35,770 --> 00:25:38,720 are almost always happy with the decision they made to move 452 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,670 there, with one exception. 453 00:25:40,670 --> 00:25:42,690 The exception is people who feel that they 454 00:25:42,690 --> 00:25:45,990 were forced to move there, forced by their children 455 00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:50,190 or forced by circumstances to go to this place they're not 456 00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:53,360 ready to go to. 457 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:57,300 For people at this stage of life finances have not been that big 458 00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:59,970 an issue. 459 00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:02,220 But it's because I'm working at a retirement community 460 00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:05,520 where there's an income requirement, 461 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,860 so people have been screened, and it's not really 462 00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:10,020 a representative sampling. 463 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:13,140 What does demand a lot more attention are health concerns. 464 00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:15,780 Karin has mentioned that. 465 00:26:15,780 --> 00:26:19,140 A UU who is in her early 90s, she 466 00:26:19,140 --> 00:26:21,300 said it quite succinctly to me, she 467 00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:24,100 said everybody's got something going on. 468 00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:24,840 That's true. 469 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,940 Everybody at that age, everybody's 470 00:26:26,940 --> 00:26:28,300 dealing with something. 471 00:26:28,300 --> 00:26:30,360 And you can just assume that. 472 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:35,120 Another woman said to me it seems like all I do now, 473 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,781 all my husband and I do now is go 474 00:26:36,781 --> 00:26:39,030 to our doctor's appointments and each other's doctor's 475 00:26:39,030 --> 00:26:40,030 appointments. 476 00:26:40,030 --> 00:26:44,230 They use their energy to do the doctor visits. 477 00:26:44,230 --> 00:26:48,090 And that can be disheartening. 478 00:26:48,090 --> 00:26:51,990 So there's a balancing that's going on here as you 479 00:26:51,990 --> 00:26:55,914 reach this stage of life. 480 00:26:55,914 --> 00:27:02,256 Gail Forsyth-vail: Karin, do you want to add some things? 481 00:27:02,256 --> 00:27:05,280 Karin Peterson: Well, I am not in a retirement community 482 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:11,260 and I know that finances are a struggle. 483 00:27:11,260 --> 00:27:18,180 And that makes me think about how valuable senior citizen 484 00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:22,080 centers are, and the information that they have. 485 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:27,990 The assistance you can have in getting 486 00:27:27,990 --> 00:27:33,990 things-- say, your income tax, which you still might have 487 00:27:33,990 --> 00:27:36,710 to-- you probably have to file. 488 00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:38,460 All of those types of things. 489 00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:44,040 If you use senior citizen centers as a resource, 490 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,620 and instead of steering away from them for a long time 491 00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:51,960 because that's just for old people, they're quite valuable. 492 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:59,850 And they're quite varied in the services that they offer. 493 00:27:59,850 --> 00:28:07,260 Including of course, yoga and an exercise, and Reiki, 494 00:28:07,260 --> 00:28:11,190 some of them do-- Reiki is a valuable, valuable thing. 495 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:18,900 So don't be afraid to go ask for help in regard 496 00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:21,720 to these difficulties. 497 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,660 With help, that one we do pretty easily 498 00:28:24,660 --> 00:28:30,477 because we have a doctor that we rely on 499 00:28:30,477 --> 00:28:31,810 and then we go to a specialists. 500 00:28:31,810 --> 00:28:37,080 But finances are a vital thing for all of us, 501 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:41,160 and Social Security is not-- remember 502 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,760 it didn't go up this year, at least I know that. 503 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,570 But it's something that you can get help with, 504 00:28:48,570 --> 00:28:51,920 and don't be afraid to look. 505 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,950 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 506 00:28:55,950 --> 00:28:57,870 The next one is find ways to belong 507 00:28:57,870 --> 00:29:00,210 and be part of communities. 508 00:29:00,210 --> 00:29:03,717 And I'm going to ask Karin to speak first to that one. 509 00:29:03,717 --> 00:29:05,550 Karin Peterson: Now I just said one of them, 510 00:29:05,550 --> 00:29:08,740 and that is the senior citizen centers, 511 00:29:08,740 --> 00:29:12,550 because I can't say enough good about them. 512 00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:16,170 They're amazing places. 513 00:29:16,170 --> 00:29:22,350 It also, I have found, is a nice mix of people. 514 00:29:22,350 --> 00:29:25,880 We get in our UU communities, which 515 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,510 if I call them a rarefied atmosphere, 516 00:29:30,510 --> 00:29:32,780 I wonder if you know what I mean. 517 00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:38,520 Because they're not the cross-section 518 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:45,120 of all people in our areas. 519 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:50,610 It's a nice way to meet people who are not in the same faith 520 00:29:50,610 --> 00:29:54,900 community that we're in, not in the same financial bracket 521 00:29:54,900 --> 00:30:01,410 that we're in, it broadens our view. 522 00:30:01,410 --> 00:30:04,070 I just can't say enough about them. 523 00:30:04,070 --> 00:30:08,010 But of course our Unitarian Universalist communities 524 00:30:08,010 --> 00:30:12,290 are so important. 525 00:30:12,290 --> 00:30:16,300 Bring us together in a way that is very nurturing, 526 00:30:16,300 --> 00:30:21,830 and there's trust. 527 00:30:21,830 --> 00:30:23,520 I'll say more about the workshops later 528 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:27,310 in regard to this. 529 00:30:27,310 --> 00:30:28,820 Gail Forsyth-vail: OK. 530 00:30:28,820 --> 00:30:30,542 Bruce, you want to respond to this? 531 00:30:30,542 --> 00:30:32,850 Bruce Marshall: I just want to one thing 532 00:30:32,850 --> 00:30:36,594 about the senior centers. 533 00:30:36,594 --> 00:30:38,760 There's an interesting article in the New York Times 534 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,570 I think this past Saturday about how senior centers are 535 00:30:42,570 --> 00:30:45,722 being re-envisioned. 536 00:30:45,722 --> 00:30:47,180 Headline is something to the effect 537 00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:51,300 that it's not just bingos and hot meals anymore. 538 00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:54,710 That it's yoga, that's it's a whole range of activities 539 00:30:54,710 --> 00:31:00,300 that are quite different from what our assumptions might be. 540 00:31:00,300 --> 00:31:04,510 So it an interesting development. 541 00:31:04,510 --> 00:31:06,590 I just want to mention church communities. 542 00:31:06,590 --> 00:31:10,340 Church communities should be and often are 543 00:31:10,340 --> 00:31:15,510 sources of support for people as we get older, 544 00:31:15,510 --> 00:31:19,300 but often become unavailable, for a variety of reasons. 545 00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:22,290 People as they get older, sometimes 546 00:31:22,290 --> 00:31:27,890 fall away from participation in a congregation. 547 00:31:27,890 --> 00:31:30,350 Churches as multigenerational communities 548 00:31:30,350 --> 00:31:31,950 should have an important role. 549 00:31:31,950 --> 00:31:33,950 I think a little later, we'll talk more 550 00:31:33,950 --> 00:31:36,240 about some of the barriers that get 551 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,320 unintentionally created, which make 552 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,936 it more difficult for older people to participate. 553 00:31:41,936 --> 00:31:45,440 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 554 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,080 And the last one, I'm going to start with you first, Bruce. 555 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,707 The last older adult faith development task 556 00:31:52,707 --> 00:31:54,290 we're going to talk about is exploring 557 00:31:54,290 --> 00:31:57,110 faith and faith questions and spirituality 558 00:31:57,110 --> 00:32:00,570 and creating a system of meaning. 559 00:32:00,570 --> 00:32:02,970 Bruce Marshall: I find that the people in the retirement 560 00:32:02,970 --> 00:32:06,270 community where I am are really interested in theology 561 00:32:06,270 --> 00:32:07,840 and spirituality. 562 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,170 They're looking at it from a new perspective, that 563 00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:12,830 of providing a framework that helps 564 00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:15,680 them make sense of their lives. 565 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,140 And that's the case no matter what your faith community. 566 00:32:18,140 --> 00:32:20,760 I've talked to Roman Catholics, I've talked to Protestants, 567 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,670 I've talked to the Jewish community, 568 00:32:22,670 --> 00:32:24,720 it's the same for each. 569 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:28,360 They get drawn back into spiritual concerns. 570 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:33,975 The UUs in our group, some of them are long-term UUs, 571 00:32:33,975 --> 00:32:36,100 some of them have discovered Unitarian Universalism 572 00:32:36,100 --> 00:32:40,640 when they were 85 years old in a retirement community. 573 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,261 All of them are really excited about being UU, 574 00:32:44,261 --> 00:32:48,420 and they seek ways to be part of our tradition. 575 00:32:48,420 --> 00:32:53,280 It seems like the yearning is to put our individual lives 576 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,150 into the context of a larger tradition. 577 00:32:56,150 --> 00:32:57,950 And once we do that, it makes our own lives 578 00:32:57,950 --> 00:33:00,440 seem more important, more meaningful. 579 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,285 Because it's validation, which I think we need at all stages, 580 00:33:03,285 --> 00:33:08,072 but particularly at these later stages in life. 581 00:33:08,072 --> 00:33:09,280 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 582 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,271 Karin? 583 00:33:12,271 --> 00:33:14,450 Karin Peterson: I was just thinking back 584 00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:17,340 to the workshop series, because it's 585 00:33:17,340 --> 00:33:20,740 offered at a particular time. 586 00:33:20,740 --> 00:33:29,180 It's a noon-to-2 o'clock meeting and they bring their lunch. 587 00:33:29,180 --> 00:33:30,960 It gives them an opportunity. 588 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:35,630 Again, there's an age range, which is very special. 589 00:33:35,630 --> 00:33:41,840 And it gives them a time to bond together and have enough trust 590 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:48,020 so that they can talk issues and the things 591 00:33:48,020 --> 00:33:53,590 in life that are meaningful to them. 592 00:33:53,590 --> 00:34:02,490 There are ways of creating new outreach that 593 00:34:02,490 --> 00:34:10,280 will be expressing their faith in action. 594 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,030 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 595 00:34:13,030 --> 00:34:17,409 I'm just going to do a little bit of theory here. 596 00:34:17,409 --> 00:34:19,949 Not a lot, just a little. 597 00:34:19,949 --> 00:34:23,719 And talk about-- there is some particular developmental 598 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,840 challenges that are in Erik Erikson 599 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,340 work on human development. 600 00:34:28,340 --> 00:34:30,840 And there are three of them that are particularly 601 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,130 pertinent to older adults. 602 00:34:34,130 --> 00:34:38,840 And the first is intimacy versus isolation, 603 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:43,620 and the struggles over that in relationships 604 00:34:43,620 --> 00:34:45,590 that may be a part of relationships 605 00:34:45,590 --> 00:34:48,469 with adult children, and with intimate partners, 606 00:34:48,469 --> 00:34:49,969 and with aging parents. 607 00:34:49,969 --> 00:34:53,840 Baby boomers may have aging parents of their own. 608 00:34:53,840 --> 00:35:00,620 So the struggle for how much independence, how much support, 609 00:35:00,620 --> 00:35:06,720 how much intimacy, and so on is a real struggle. 610 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,950 Generativity versus stagnation. 611 00:35:09,950 --> 00:35:12,050 If people are generative they're finding a way 612 00:35:12,050 --> 00:35:13,740 to make a mark on the world, they 613 00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:15,620 are contributing through a mentorship, 614 00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:22,210 or through family relationships, or through artistic pursuits. 615 00:35:22,210 --> 00:35:26,980 But finding a way to be generative 616 00:35:26,980 --> 00:35:31,090 versus being stagnant is an important challenge. 617 00:35:31,090 --> 00:35:33,550 And then integrity versus despair. 618 00:35:33,550 --> 00:35:35,320 To reflect on your life and have a sense 619 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:39,040 that it's a fulfilling-- that you have gratitude for what 620 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:44,170 has been and where you are, rather than despair about lost 621 00:35:44,170 --> 00:35:46,160 opportunities and so on. 622 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,380 So those are some developmental challenges of older adults. 623 00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:51,640 There's more information about things 624 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:56,410 like that in a book from the Lifelong Faith Associates. 625 00:35:56,410 --> 00:36:00,040 I think Pat had already put it in the chat box earlier. 626 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,932 Which is well-worth well worth it, 627 00:36:01,932 --> 00:36:03,640 it's written from a Christian perspective 628 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,430 but it talks about all of the various stages 629 00:36:06,430 --> 00:36:10,930 of older adulthood, beginning with younger adults. 630 00:36:10,930 --> 00:36:13,670 It talks about their spiritual development challenges, 631 00:36:13,670 --> 00:36:18,710 so I highly recommend that you take a look at that. 632 00:36:18,710 --> 00:36:23,260 So that's the theory moment for tonight. 633 00:36:23,260 --> 00:36:28,510 I'm going to just stop here for a minute and invite Bruce 634 00:36:28,510 --> 00:36:33,230 and then Karin to speak a little bit about the actual work 635 00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:34,000 you're doing. 636 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,130 Bruce, talk about the book that you're writing, 637 00:36:36,130 --> 00:36:38,150 and the work that's led to that. 638 00:36:38,150 --> 00:36:40,510 I've heard you present and I've read 639 00:36:40,510 --> 00:36:44,080 some pieces of your manuscript and it's a really important 640 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,240 piece that you're putting together, 641 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:50,330 so tell us a little bit more about it. 642 00:36:50,330 --> 00:36:52,360 Bruce Marshall: Briefly, the working title 643 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,260 is Meaning and Spirit in Aging. 644 00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:57,520 And those three main words-- meaning, spirit, aging, 645 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,340 describe what I'm trying to work with. 646 00:37:00,340 --> 00:37:04,990 Starting with aging, I'm really focused on the later years 647 00:37:04,990 --> 00:37:05,830 of our lives. 648 00:37:05,830 --> 00:37:08,260 The years of diminishment. 649 00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:12,250 If you look at materials out of retirement, most of those 650 00:37:12,250 --> 00:37:16,285 are aimed at younger elders. 651 00:37:16,285 --> 00:37:18,160 There's not so much out there which addresses 652 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,410 the issues of our final years. 653 00:37:20,410 --> 00:37:24,550 This is when you can't go out and travel the world anymore, 654 00:37:24,550 --> 00:37:27,700 you can't pursue new interests, or whatever, 655 00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:29,590 because you physically aren't up to it. 656 00:37:29,590 --> 00:37:32,610 But even at that time, meaning and spirit matter. 657 00:37:32,610 --> 00:37:35,860 And that's what I want to explore. 658 00:37:35,860 --> 00:37:36,790 Meaning. 659 00:37:36,790 --> 00:37:40,230 Meaning I define simply as what matters. 660 00:37:40,230 --> 00:37:43,960 I draw upon Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, 661 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,240 which is a reflection upon his time of imprisonment 662 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,160 in a Nazi concentration camp. 663 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:52,372 What he observed is that the people who survived, 664 00:37:52,372 --> 00:37:53,830 who made it through, were not those 665 00:37:53,830 --> 00:37:56,556 are the people who are the strongest physically. 666 00:37:56,556 --> 00:37:58,180 Rather, the people that made it through 667 00:37:58,180 --> 00:38:02,480 were the ones who had a sense of purpose, sense of meaning 668 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,080 and sense of caring about something. 669 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,490 That's what got them through. 670 00:38:06,490 --> 00:38:10,020 I think it gets us through all manner of stresses 671 00:38:10,020 --> 00:38:13,370 that we face, including the stresses of aging. 672 00:38:13,370 --> 00:38:16,900 And then spirit, which I define as what gives us life. 673 00:38:16,900 --> 00:38:19,410 How do we stay engaged? 674 00:38:19,410 --> 00:38:21,370 Even if we can't do as many of the things 675 00:38:21,370 --> 00:38:25,690 that we used to be able to do, how do I stay involved in life? 676 00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:27,640 Another spiritual question that comes up 677 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:34,360 often has to do with letting go, letting go the things that I 678 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,540 don't need anymore, letting go of the roles in life 679 00:38:37,540 --> 00:38:39,940 I used to have. 680 00:38:39,940 --> 00:38:45,250 This stage in life, people usually have to downsize. 681 00:38:45,250 --> 00:38:49,210 The house is too big, the yard takes too much work. 682 00:38:49,210 --> 00:38:50,890 I'm surrounded by all this stuff that 683 00:38:50,890 --> 00:38:53,380 has taken a lifetime to accumulate, 684 00:38:53,380 --> 00:38:55,242 so I have to divest. 685 00:38:55,242 --> 00:38:57,450 I've seen people go through that, and it's wrenching. 686 00:38:57,450 --> 00:38:59,930 It's like losing parts of your life. 687 00:38:59,930 --> 00:39:02,620 Then when we get through that, something I've noticed 688 00:39:02,620 --> 00:39:05,530 is that when people are finished with downsizing 689 00:39:05,530 --> 00:39:08,620 they feel lighter. 690 00:39:08,620 --> 00:39:10,430 They have a sense of freedom. 691 00:39:10,430 --> 00:39:12,550 They didn't realize how much the stuff of life 692 00:39:12,550 --> 00:39:14,490 weighs you down know. 693 00:39:14,490 --> 00:39:19,060 I remember one person saying, I feel like I got myself back, 694 00:39:19,060 --> 00:39:22,570 which is a gift that one can receive at this stage in life. 695 00:39:22,570 --> 00:39:25,810 The aim of the book is to explore these areas 696 00:39:25,810 --> 00:39:29,080 and see what kind of wisdom that we 697 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,140 can get from people who are going through it 698 00:39:32,140 --> 00:39:34,698 very thoughtfully themselves. 699 00:39:34,698 --> 00:39:37,000 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 700 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,510 And Karin, I've had the pleasure of being your editor, 701 00:39:40,510 --> 00:39:46,000 but Hindsight, Humor and Hope existed as a workshop series 702 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,210 for quite a while before it became a Tapestry of Faith 703 00:39:49,210 --> 00:39:50,520 published curriculum. 704 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,320 It is published now. 705 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,200 You want to talk to us a little bit about the genesis 706 00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:00,190 of the workshop series, and just tell us a little bit more 707 00:40:00,190 --> 00:40:02,440 about Hindsight, Humor and Hope, which as I said 708 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:06,930 is now published online as part of Tapestry of Faith. 709 00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:09,850 Karin Peterson: Thanks. 710 00:40:09,850 --> 00:40:14,700 I think I will tell you how I really got started with this. 711 00:40:14,700 --> 00:40:19,050 I was in a church office and a congregant came up to me 712 00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:22,310 and said, do you have some helpful resources 713 00:40:22,310 --> 00:40:25,370 about growing older? 714 00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:29,080 And I thought for a minute, and realized I did, 715 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,850 and I said, oh yes I'll bring them in. 716 00:40:31,850 --> 00:40:36,740 So when I went home I got out the three books that I had. 717 00:40:36,740 --> 00:40:40,360 And sat down and looked at them. 718 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,680 And I realized I had bought them-- 719 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:46,160 and this again was 10 years ago. 720 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,410 I had bought them 10 years before that 721 00:40:49,410 --> 00:40:54,050 when I knew that they would be helpful, 722 00:40:54,050 --> 00:40:56,720 but that I wasn't going to be old for a long time, 723 00:40:56,720 --> 00:41:00,160 so I didn't need them right now. 724 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,120 That was quite a wake up call to me 725 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:07,910 because I realized I am there now, and how on earth 726 00:41:07,910 --> 00:41:09,240 did that happen? 727 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:13,920 But then I started looking at what makes things come together 728 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:21,780 for people when they are in the early stages of being an elder, 729 00:41:21,780 --> 00:41:27,800 how can they pull their picture together, their tapestry, 730 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,350 is what I really love to call it, together. 731 00:41:30,350 --> 00:41:41,700 And be able to weave a fabric that shows who they are. 732 00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:42,780 I set out to do that. 733 00:41:42,780 --> 00:41:48,510 I took some training under Rabbi Schachter-Shalomi's programs, 734 00:41:48,510 --> 00:41:52,310 because he was really the first one who 735 00:41:52,310 --> 00:41:55,280 began work in this area. 736 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:59,300 And then worked to have things fit 737 00:41:59,300 --> 00:42:01,430 for a Unitarian Universalist. 738 00:42:01,430 --> 00:42:06,490 So I always ask people to bring a friend if they'd like, 739 00:42:06,490 --> 00:42:10,010 and so we do get people from other faith communities. 740 00:42:10,010 --> 00:42:12,180 And we do have an age range. 741 00:42:12,180 --> 00:42:18,260 And there's a sharing that happens in it early on. 742 00:42:18,260 --> 00:42:22,430 They talk about their fears, and about their fears 743 00:42:22,430 --> 00:42:23,660 of getting older. 744 00:42:23,660 --> 00:42:26,370 And also their happiness about being 745 00:42:26,370 --> 00:42:30,680 in this place, because there are good and bad parts. 746 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:38,030 And I do remember the age range was the 50s up into the 90s. 747 00:42:38,030 --> 00:42:42,240 And there was a wonderful woman that everyone deeply adored, 748 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:47,360 who was our strongest peace activist. 749 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,800 And she was living by herself. 750 00:42:49,800 --> 00:43:01,700 And she shared that her fear was dying by herself, dying alone. 751 00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:04,680 We heard that. 752 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:09,450 And several years later, when she did pass, 753 00:43:09,450 --> 00:43:11,600 she certainly did not die alone. 754 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,720 And there is a beautiful sharing and trust 755 00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,140 that happens in these groups. 756 00:43:18,140 --> 00:43:24,110 And they tend sometimes to go on as a caring group of its own, 757 00:43:24,110 --> 00:43:28,610 a different small-group ministry. 758 00:43:28,610 --> 00:43:33,840 But I like to use creativity because I believe 759 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:35,670 everyone's creative, we just sort of get 760 00:43:35,670 --> 00:43:37,050 it knocked out of us. 761 00:43:37,050 --> 00:43:42,260 Somewhere along the line, unless we are a quote artist. 762 00:43:42,260 --> 00:43:45,360 But this is for everyone. 763 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:50,240 And so I have people who use color, 764 00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:56,990 and they put together an art kit for themself. 765 00:43:56,990 --> 00:43:59,910 Made of the color, things that they like. 766 00:43:59,910 --> 00:44:03,380 Whether it's markers or colored pencils. 767 00:44:03,380 --> 00:44:09,740 And they have a chance to do the lifescape or the life-mapping. 768 00:44:09,740 --> 00:44:13,760 And there's also an opportunity to make a mandala, which 769 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,505 is really the expression of their deepest 770 00:44:16,505 --> 00:44:27,110 self, their spiritual meaning and connection. 771 00:44:27,110 --> 00:44:30,780 Again, it's not for artists, per se. 772 00:44:30,780 --> 00:44:32,660 It's for everyone. 773 00:44:32,660 --> 00:44:37,405 And I do believe everyone has their own creativity. 774 00:44:37,405 --> 00:44:41,010 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 775 00:44:41,010 --> 00:44:43,130 And both of you are doing such important work, 776 00:44:43,130 --> 00:44:46,620 I'm just so grateful for it. 777 00:44:46,620 --> 00:44:51,010 I want to ask you directly, and maybe we'll 778 00:44:51,010 --> 00:44:53,990 begin with Bruce to talk about how congregations 779 00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:57,177 can support older adults. 780 00:44:57,177 --> 00:44:58,760 What are the things that congregations 781 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:03,320 can do to help foster the spiritual growth of older 782 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,032 adults? 783 00:45:05,032 --> 00:45:06,872 Bruce Marshall: I remember a conversation 784 00:45:06,872 --> 00:45:08,330 I had-- one of the interviews I did 785 00:45:08,330 --> 00:45:13,310 for the book was with a lifelong UU, who was age 88. 786 00:45:13,310 --> 00:45:15,990 And he doesn't go to church anymore. 787 00:45:15,990 --> 00:45:19,930 And I ask him how come, and he said, well, I just don't fit. 788 00:45:19,930 --> 00:45:22,200 And that's kind of a heartbreaking comment. 789 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,180 You want people to be able to fit 790 00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:26,220 in all stages in their lives. 791 00:45:26,220 --> 00:45:28,180 So I've thought about what is it that 792 00:45:28,180 --> 00:45:31,760 happens that kind of keeps people away, that 793 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:36,240 brings people to stop coming when they get older. 794 00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:38,260 And I think it breaks down into two realms. 795 00:45:38,260 --> 00:45:40,860 Accessibility and programming. 796 00:45:40,860 --> 00:45:43,990 Accessibility, most of our congregations 797 00:45:43,990 --> 00:45:46,240 have dealt with the issues of ramps and railings. 798 00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:48,550 Some of them have elevators, so that physically you 799 00:45:48,550 --> 00:45:50,070 can get into the building. 800 00:45:50,070 --> 00:45:53,780 But then have to go up another level. 801 00:45:53,780 --> 00:45:56,780 One of the biggest complaints that I get from people 802 00:45:56,780 --> 00:45:58,070 is hearing. 803 00:45:58,070 --> 00:46:01,490 People just can't hear. 804 00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:04,590 In our congregations, just about all of us 805 00:46:04,590 --> 00:46:09,070 have sound systems of one sort or another. 806 00:46:09,070 --> 00:46:11,180 But to get good ones is expensive, 807 00:46:11,180 --> 00:46:15,240 and it takes professionals, and often we kind of outsource that 808 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:18,280 to somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody. 809 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,570 It's important to spend the money 810 00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:24,200 and get good hearing systems, not just for the sanctuary, 811 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,960 but also for meeting rooms. 812 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,240 So that people can participate in the classes, 813 00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,380 and the gatherings, and the meetings that we have. 814 00:46:32,380 --> 00:46:35,030 Another issue that comes up a lot is transportation. 815 00:46:35,030 --> 00:46:39,690 You reach a certain period in life when you don't drive. 816 00:46:39,690 --> 00:46:40,940 Then how do you get to places? 817 00:46:40,940 --> 00:46:43,170 That's usually the time when people stop going to church, 818 00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:44,836 because they don't want to bother people 819 00:46:44,836 --> 00:46:47,780 to ask for rides, and so on. 820 00:46:47,780 --> 00:46:50,150 It's hard to put together a system of providing 821 00:46:50,150 --> 00:46:54,590 rides for people who need it, but it's really important. 822 00:46:54,590 --> 00:46:59,120 In our own retirement community, we maybe 20 minutes from one's 823 00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,220 previous church, but people stop going because 824 00:47:01,220 --> 00:47:04,440 of the transportation issue. 825 00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:08,070 Another issue is meeting accessibility. 826 00:47:08,070 --> 00:47:09,260 When do we have meetings? 827 00:47:09,260 --> 00:47:14,240 We have meetings in the evenings, weekday evenings. 828 00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:17,120 Many older people don't go out, they certainly 829 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:18,740 don't drive in the evenings. 830 00:47:18,740 --> 00:47:23,450 So that makes those meetings off-limits to them. 831 00:47:23,450 --> 00:47:25,690 Maybe there are groups that can meet 832 00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:30,050 in the daytime that would be more open to participation 833 00:47:30,050 --> 00:47:32,180 by older people. 834 00:47:32,180 --> 00:47:34,400 On the programming side, I think it's 835 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,410 important to be intentional about this. 836 00:47:36,410 --> 00:47:38,340 And think about roles that older people 837 00:47:38,340 --> 00:47:41,170 may play in the congregation. 838 00:47:41,170 --> 00:47:45,360 It used to be that when we mailed out newsletters, 839 00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,800 there was often a group, it would be on Tuesday morning. 840 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,300 Older women, primarily, but sometimes men. 841 00:47:51,300 --> 00:47:53,730 And they would prepare the newsletter for mailing, 842 00:47:53,730 --> 00:47:55,160 and off it would go. 843 00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:59,720 And that became a very strong social group, and support 844 00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:01,530 group, and also gives the people a sense 845 00:48:01,530 --> 00:48:04,980 of really contributing something that the church needed. 846 00:48:04,980 --> 00:48:07,760 Today it's all online. 847 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,490 We don't do it anymore. 848 00:48:10,490 --> 00:48:13,220 So what are other functions that seniors 849 00:48:13,220 --> 00:48:16,510 can play in our communities? 850 00:48:16,510 --> 00:48:18,880 Another part of programming that I think it 851 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,140 is important, as Karin and I have both 852 00:48:21,140 --> 00:48:23,990 talked about, to provide people with the opportunity 853 00:48:23,990 --> 00:48:26,690 to talk through the stories of their lives. 854 00:48:26,690 --> 00:48:30,270 I've talked about the series that addresses questions 855 00:48:30,270 --> 00:48:31,505 that I announce in advance. 856 00:48:31,505 --> 00:48:32,880 Another series that worked really 857 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:37,570 well was a series to write your own spiritual will. 858 00:48:37,570 --> 00:48:40,910 A material will is about distribution 859 00:48:40,910 --> 00:48:42,260 of your physical resources. 860 00:48:42,260 --> 00:48:46,380 Your spiritual will is about sharing your wisdom. 861 00:48:46,380 --> 00:48:52,330 What did you learn in your life, what's been important to you? 862 00:48:52,330 --> 00:48:54,860 When I prepare memorial services, 863 00:48:54,860 --> 00:48:57,790 when I talk to the families of the person who has died, 864 00:48:57,790 --> 00:48:59,140 I ask the question. 865 00:48:59,140 --> 00:49:01,090 I say, what was important to this person? 866 00:49:01,090 --> 00:49:03,490 What did he or she live for? 867 00:49:03,490 --> 00:49:06,230 And there is so often kind of an awkward silence. 868 00:49:06,230 --> 00:49:09,090 People don't know what to say. 869 00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:11,070 So the purpose of the writing spiritual will 870 00:49:11,070 --> 00:49:15,410 is to tell our descendants what we lived for, so they have 871 00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:17,470 a better sense of who we were. 872 00:49:17,470 --> 00:49:20,150 And then the third thing in programming that's important 873 00:49:20,150 --> 00:49:23,940 is providing opportunities for service. 874 00:49:23,940 --> 00:49:27,030 A frustration of the elderly years, 875 00:49:27,030 --> 00:49:29,180 particularly for a Unitarian Universalists, 876 00:49:29,180 --> 00:49:31,800 is that you can't contribute the way you used do. 877 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:37,110 You can't march, participate in marches. 878 00:49:37,110 --> 00:49:41,289 You can't do the things that we do to try to change the world. 879 00:49:41,289 --> 00:49:43,080 I think it's important for the congregation 880 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,700 to think about how older members can still 881 00:49:46,700 --> 00:49:51,712 participate in seeking change. 882 00:49:51,712 --> 00:49:55,240 It could be writing letters, a variety of things. 883 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:56,900 In Maryland a couple of years ago 884 00:49:56,900 --> 00:49:59,240 we had marriage equality on the ballot, 885 00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:03,260 and the people in our group were going door-to-door, 886 00:50:03,260 --> 00:50:07,250 they were getting out to vote for that issue. 887 00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,090 They were still deeply concerned about it, 888 00:50:09,090 --> 00:50:11,720 they were limited by what they could do, 889 00:50:11,720 --> 00:50:16,380 but at least we had options for them for participation. 890 00:50:16,380 --> 00:50:18,840 So there are ways in which we can address 891 00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,775 the accessibility and the programming issues, 892 00:50:20,775 --> 00:50:22,005 but it takes intentionality. 893 00:50:22,005 --> 00:50:26,420 It takes people thinking about it and being creative about it, 894 00:50:26,420 --> 00:50:28,706 seeing what we can do. 895 00:50:28,706 --> 00:50:30,360 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 896 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,480 Karin, would you like to add something? 897 00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,500 Karin Peterson: Just a little bit. 898 00:50:34,500 --> 00:50:38,690 Bruce, that was wonderful, because it 899 00:50:38,690 --> 00:50:40,700 covers our congregations. 900 00:50:40,700 --> 00:50:45,200 And there there's one thing that comes to mind. 901 00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:52,080 When somebody passes on and we have they're memorial service, 902 00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,130 I just know that all of you have said, 903 00:50:55,130 --> 00:51:02,610 I had no idea that person did this and did this. 904 00:51:02,610 --> 00:51:10,190 That's so sad to hear it when we can't talk to them about it. 905 00:51:10,190 --> 00:51:16,460 Having interviews with elders is an incredibly wonderful thing 906 00:51:16,460 --> 00:51:20,390 to do, and then to do a write-up. 907 00:51:20,390 --> 00:51:23,030 Especially when you find out interests 908 00:51:23,030 --> 00:51:28,770 that are so similar to things that younger people will have, 909 00:51:28,770 --> 00:51:30,650 or might just be getting interested in. 910 00:51:30,650 --> 00:51:33,650 Especially the environment, and you 911 00:51:33,650 --> 00:51:36,140 know this person used to be a backpacker, 912 00:51:36,140 --> 00:51:39,720 this person walked the Appalachian Trail. 913 00:51:39,720 --> 00:51:45,120 You don't know if you don't talk to them. 914 00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:48,920 And it has to be done in a focused way. 915 00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,800 And then shared. 916 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,010 That to me, is big. 917 00:51:53,010 --> 00:51:57,894 Also ride sharing, that's another one that works. 918 00:51:57,894 --> 00:52:00,290 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 919 00:52:00,290 --> 00:52:04,670 I actually think-- we have one question that's come in, 920 00:52:04,670 --> 00:52:08,150 and we're going to have time for that one question. 921 00:52:08,150 --> 00:52:11,340 From Teresa [INAUDIBLE], she said 922 00:52:11,340 --> 00:52:13,340 she'd love to hear more about elders' excitement 923 00:52:13,340 --> 00:52:16,380 about being Unitarian Universalists. 924 00:52:16,380 --> 00:52:18,890 What do you think allows them to embrace and celebrate 925 00:52:18,890 --> 00:52:23,310 that faith identity in a way that younger people sometimes 926 00:52:23,310 --> 00:52:25,942 struggle with? 927 00:52:25,942 --> 00:52:30,930 Bruce Marshall: Well, I'll give you one example. 928 00:52:30,930 --> 00:52:34,070 We have a woman who is probably in the early 80s, 929 00:52:34,070 --> 00:52:36,230 just became Unitarian Universalist. 930 00:52:36,230 --> 00:52:38,180 And she asked, one of her requests 931 00:52:38,180 --> 00:52:41,420 was could we do a program on UUs 101. 932 00:52:41,420 --> 00:52:44,860 So we did a program on UUs 101 to give some background. 933 00:52:44,860 --> 00:52:47,120 She really didn't know a whole lot about it. 934 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:51,170 She had been an activist all her life. 935 00:52:51,170 --> 00:52:54,050 But finding Unitarian Universalism was really 936 00:52:54,050 --> 00:52:56,750 a revelation for her because it showed 937 00:52:56,750 --> 00:52:59,480 that there was a tradition that she could fit herself is. 938 00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,270 She was not just one person alone on the barricades. 939 00:53:02,270 --> 00:53:04,910 She was part of an ongoing tradition of people who 940 00:53:04,910 --> 00:53:06,380 have fought for human rights. 941 00:53:06,380 --> 00:53:08,850 And at this stage in her life, that was really important. 942 00:53:08,850 --> 00:53:13,275 That's why she's excited about it. 943 00:53:13,275 --> 00:53:17,550 So I think that's something which is an important thing 944 00:53:17,550 --> 00:53:19,585 that we have to offer. 945 00:53:19,585 --> 00:53:24,410 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thanks. 946 00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:27,110 If there are other questions, and there may well be, 947 00:53:27,110 --> 00:53:30,410 I think Pat has put my email address into the chat box. 948 00:53:30,410 --> 00:53:33,090 And feel free to send me questions, 949 00:53:33,090 --> 00:53:37,590 and I will send them off to Karin and Bruce, 950 00:53:37,590 --> 00:53:39,710 if you have them. 951 00:53:39,710 --> 00:53:42,350 Before we move to closing words, and we 952 00:53:42,350 --> 00:53:44,150 do have beautiful closing words, I 953 00:53:44,150 --> 00:53:47,390 want to just express again my gratitude to the two of you 954 00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:48,710 for being willing to do this. 955 00:53:48,710 --> 00:53:53,190 And to do it at 9 o'clock at night on the Eastern Seaboard. 956 00:53:53,190 --> 00:53:57,680 And for the wonderful work that you are doing. 957 00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,410 And don't leave now, if you're here on the webinar, 958 00:54:00,410 --> 00:54:05,340 because the closing words are a real treat. 959 00:54:05,340 --> 00:54:07,540 We're going to move to those closing words, 960 00:54:07,540 --> 00:54:10,220 but I just did want to make sure that I said thank you 961 00:54:10,220 --> 00:54:13,310 to the Reverend Bruce Marshall the Reverend Karin Peterson. 962 00:54:13,310 --> 00:54:15,620 And then I'm going to invite Karin 963 00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:21,320 to offer the closing words, which 964 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:25,660 are in the Hindsight, Humor and Hope curriculum. 965 00:54:25,660 --> 00:54:27,290 So there you go. 966 00:54:27,290 --> 00:54:29,340 Karin Peterson: Thank you. 967 00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:36,290 It's called Emerging Wisdom, by Jennifer Jinks Hoffman. 968 00:54:36,290 --> 00:54:43,730 Create a new room in your home for the knowing beyond knowing. 969 00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:48,280 Sweep your cave daily. 970 00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:52,430 Place some dirt on your altar. 971 00:54:52,430 --> 00:54:57,470 Haul down the birds from the sky in worship. 972 00:54:57,470 --> 00:55:01,640 Meditate with flowers in the park. 973 00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:04,850 Learn from puppies and babies, as well as 974 00:55:04,850 --> 00:55:08,420 from the elderly and mid-lifers. 975 00:55:08,420 --> 00:55:12,680 Listen with the ear of a snail, and remember 976 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:17,660 that pearls are born from grit. 977 00:55:17,660 --> 00:55:23,360 Be still like a lake at dawn, a kind and truthful mirror 978 00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:26,390 of what is. 979 00:55:26,390 --> 00:55:32,420 Alignment is difficult unless you clean your compass often, 980 00:55:32,420 --> 00:55:39,510 for each person has his or her own way of cleaning. 981 00:55:39,510 --> 00:55:45,980 Know that we all are angels and demons as natural as mud. 982 00:55:45,980 --> 00:55:48,950 Our enemies, too. 983 00:55:48,950 --> 00:55:53,000 Link hands with your neighbor. 984 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:57,980 Being exceptional is not a requirement for a full life, 985 00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:02,120 being awake at the wheel is. 986 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:04,940 Sometimes all that is possible is 987 00:56:04,940 --> 00:56:09,800 to witness the impossible, so run, 988 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:16,820 walk, be still as your guide directs. 989 00:56:16,820 --> 00:56:21,590 Look for gold in each precious cup of water. 990 00:56:21,590 --> 00:56:26,420 Scan the horizon through trees in need. 991 00:56:26,420 --> 00:56:32,210 Save apple seeds for planting. 992 00:56:32,210 --> 00:56:40,450 And attune your breath to the breadth of the world. 993 00:56:40,450 --> 00:56:43,140 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 994 00:56:43,140 --> 00:56:54,330 And I'm going to invite Pat to tell us about what's upcoming. 995 00:56:54,330 --> 00:56:55,710 Pat Khan: Great. 996 00:56:55,710 --> 00:56:59,100 And I just want to add my thanks not only to Bruce and to Karin, 997 00:56:59,100 --> 00:57:02,460 but to Gail for putting this together. 998 00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:05,070 It's really, really wonderful. 999 00:57:05,070 --> 00:57:11,010 So next month, Melanie Davis, UUA's OWL Program Associate, 1000 00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:14,100 Our Whole Lives sexuality education, 1001 00:57:14,100 --> 00:57:17,070 will be with Amy Johnson, who does 1002 00:57:17,070 --> 00:57:20,160 the same thing for the United Church of Christ, 1003 00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:23,670 talking about faith-sensitive Our Whole Lives 1004 00:57:23,670 --> 00:57:26,130 for the larger community. 1005 00:57:26,130 --> 00:57:30,240 And that'll be a week earlier than usual, 1006 00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:34,680 the second week of the month. 1007 00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:38,080 As I said before I want to make sure I thank all of you 1008 00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,590 for attending. 1009 00:57:40,590 --> 00:57:46,640 The webinar will be posted-- the recording, the transcript, 1010 00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:50,940 the resources, and the slides will all be at that URL. 1011 00:57:50,940 --> 00:57:54,285 So thank you once again for joining us tonight. 1012 00:57:54,285 --> 00:57:55,560 Gail Forsyth-vail: Thank you. 1013 00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:58,856 Goodnight, sleep well everyone. 1014 00:57:58,856 --> 00:58:17,267