1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,670 2 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,840 Theresa I. Soto: Good morning, everyone. 3 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:09,150 I'd like to begin with a poem Laura Hershey. 4 00:00:09,150 --> 00:00:13,440 She was a disability advocate, an activist, 5 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:15,840 at the time that people are trying to make sure that 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:20,250 the Americans with Disabilities Act would be passed, 7 00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:24,920 and this is one of her poems, "You Get Proud by Practicing." 8 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,710 "If you are not proud for who you are, for what you say, 9 00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:33,015 for how you look, if every time you stop to think of yourself 10 00:00:33,015 --> 00:00:36,350 you cannot see yourself growing with golden light, 11 00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:38,850 do not therefore give up on yourself. 12 00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:40,840 You can get proud. 13 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,580 You do not need a better body, purer spirit, or a PhD 14 00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:47,500 to get proud. 15 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:51,660 You do not need a lot of money, a handsome boyfriend, 16 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,810 or a nice car. 17 00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:58,390 You do not need to be able to walk or see or hear or use 18 00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:01,630 big, complicated words or do any of these things 19 00:01:01,630 --> 00:01:04,379 that you just can't do. 20 00:01:04,379 --> 00:01:09,580 To be proud, a caseworker cannot make you proud, or a doctor. 21 00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:13,020 You only need more practice. 22 00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:17,770 You get proud by practicing. 23 00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:21,490 There are many, many ways to get proud. 24 00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:24,340 You can try riding a horse or skiing on one leg 25 00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:29,040 or playing guitar and do well or not so well 26 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,510 and be glad you tried either way. 27 00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,640 You can show something you made to someone 28 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:38,630 you respect and be happy with it no matter what they say. 29 00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:41,320 You can say what you think though you know other people do 30 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:44,610 not think the same way, and you can keep saying it 31 00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:48,150 even if they tell you you're crazy. 32 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,610 You can add your voice all night to the voices 33 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,680 of 150 others in a circle around a jailhouse 34 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,160 where your brothers and sisters are 35 00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:00,140 being held for blocking buses with no lifts, 36 00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:08,340 or you can be one of the ones inside the jailhouse, 37 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:11,390 knowing of the circle outside. 38 00:02:11,390 --> 00:02:16,780 You can speak your love to a friend without fear. 39 00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:20,540 You can find someone who will listen to you without judging 40 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:24,150 you or doubting you or being afraid of you 41 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:26,400 and let you hear yourself perhaps 42 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,010 for the very first time. 43 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,730 These are all ways of getting proud. 44 00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:37,650 None them are easy, but all of them are possible. 45 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:40,310 You can do all of these things or just one of them 46 00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,640 again and again. 47 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,300 You get proud by practicing. 48 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,820 Power makes you proud, and power comes 49 00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:51,190 in many find forms, supple and rich as butterfly wings. 50 00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:53,900 It is music when you practice opening your mouth 51 00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,690 and liking what you hear because the sound 52 00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:59,460 of your own true voice. 53 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:01,480 It is sunlight when you practice seeing 54 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:06,560 strength and beauty in everyone, including yourself. 55 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,820 It is dance when you practice knowing that what you do 56 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:12,890 and the way you do it is the right way for you and cannot be 57 00:03:12,890 --> 00:03:16,230 called wrong. 58 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,800 All these hold more power than weapons or money or lies. 59 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,610 All these practices bring power, and power makes you proud. 60 00:03:25,610 --> 00:03:28,310 You get proud by practicing. 61 00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:31,630 Remember, you weren't the ones who made you ashamed, 62 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:35,310 but you are the one who can make you proud. 63 00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:38,600 Just practice-- practice until you get proud, 64 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:43,550 and once you are proud, keep practicing so you won't forget. 65 00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:56,350 You get proud by practicing." 66 00:03:56,350 --> 00:04:00,420 Let's begin by asking each other a question; 67 00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,830 what are your access needs? 68 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:06,660 Access is a means by which we participate in community. 69 00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:09,090 So a lot of times you'll hear it talked 70 00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:15,640 about as a ramp or an elevator, but it might not be that. 71 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,070 It might be lower lights for people 72 00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:22,057 who get headaches or seats near the bathroom for people who 73 00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:26,920 can't that fast that far-- the underlying question, 74 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,990 what are the conditions that allow 75 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:33,130 for your fullest and freest participation? 76 00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,340 I'm actually talking to you, the people 77 00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:38,270 listening to this webinar, so if there's 78 00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:40,930 something that comes up that you can think 79 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:45,500 of that would be useful, then you can use the chat to message 80 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:48,775 Pat, or you can do other things to say, 81 00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:50,580 hey, I've thought of something that 82 00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:53,050 would help my participation. 83 00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:55,000 And in this space that's welcome, 84 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,860 and that's the spirit that we're going to this discussion with. 85 00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:05,330 So if you think of something, just mention it. 86 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,280 Let's talk for a second about why this 87 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:10,620 is an important conversation. 88 00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:15,300 Well, you've probably noticed that your Unitarian 89 00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:20,350 Universalist environments are full to the brim with people 90 00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,650 with disabilities. 91 00:05:22,650 --> 00:05:26,040 And I still maintain at all times, 92 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:30,530 in all the ways that we have one of the most beautiful faith 93 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,950 and ethical practices ever. 94 00:05:33,950 --> 00:05:37,200 So one thing we can do is include people 95 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,520 with our language and with the way we talk. 96 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:48,660 So the next thing I'd like do is show you a video. 97 00:05:48,660 --> 00:06:10,805 It will be just a minute while I load it up. 98 00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:20,230 [VIDEO PLAYBACK] 99 00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:22,650 -The Golden Rule doesn't always help 100 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:27,320 people understand how to connect with people with disabilities. 101 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,760 Why? 102 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:33,102 Well, society teaches people to feel fear and disgust 103 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,050 about disability. 104 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:37,640 People may try to imagine how they 105 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,630 would like to be treated if they were in the same situation, 106 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:48,330 but their responses are often clouded by fear and disgust. 107 00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:50,290 How can people get past these negative ideas 108 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:52,430 about disability? 109 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:56,200 The first step is to realize that disabled people are 110 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,882 busy enjoying their lives mostly. 111 00:06:58,882 --> 00:07:01,860 They struggle with access while they 112 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:11,394 experience the same joy and ordinary life that others do. 113 00:07:11,394 --> 00:07:18,394 [END PLAYBACK] 114 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,060 Theresa I. Soto: It's important to think 115 00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:27,810 of the question of being able to talk about disability 116 00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:31,910 and what stops us because, actually, that talking about it 117 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,650 is the beginning of creating access. 118 00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:39,850 So remember, I told you that people would always 119 00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:45,430 talk about ramps and elevators as kind of a default? 120 00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:46,370 And that's true. 121 00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:49,360 It's important; the physical part is very important. 122 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,160 But one of the other questions about it 123 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,780 is just how to get to that spot, and because 124 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,890 of people's internal discomfort, [INAUDIBLE] stop from having 125 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,750 a productive conversation. 126 00:08:01,750 --> 00:08:04,080 Also, as we dig into it further, we'll 127 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,940 find that there's ways to have a conversation that are actually 128 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:12,020 supportive and encouraging and beautiful 129 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,980 and create more community instead of less. 130 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:17,830 So all the ways that that's possible, 131 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:21,320 we want to go ahead and choose. 132 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,100 One of the things that we're looking 133 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,500 at when we talk about that discomfort 134 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:30,500 or that-- it's like a repulsion that people feel, 135 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:33,000 like they need to protect themselves. 136 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,010 It's because we're comparing an old story with a new story. 137 00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,730 I always say that the old story is 138 00:08:38,730 --> 00:08:44,650 from about 1950, when medicine became more industrial 139 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,650 and became more of a business. 140 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:49,480 And the old story talks about how 141 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,550 disability is like an illness. 142 00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:55,816 It's a sickness, and disabled bodies are worse than able 143 00:08:55,816 --> 00:09:00,510 bodies, and access is a burden. 144 00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:06,150 But it's not always that way, and we can learn more as people 145 00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,610 and grow more as people. 146 00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:13,170 One of the frameworks that we're able to use as Unitarian 147 00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:16,390 Universalists, as people of faith and ethics, 148 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:20,130 is that disability is a natural occurrence. 149 00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:23,970 I have cerebral palsy because I was born at 2 pounds and 14 150 00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:30,350 ounces, and that was 1972, so a while back, 151 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,352 not too long, I know. 152 00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,880 But the point of my story is this; 153 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,845 back then it was a big deal. 154 00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:40,990 It was natural for a tiny baby of that size 155 00:09:40,990 --> 00:09:45,180 to have at least one disability, and it's not 156 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,930 a worse thing or a bad thing. 157 00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:51,340 It might be a challenging thing, and that's real. 158 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,640 The next piece that goes with that 159 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,350 is to say that all bodies are good. 160 00:09:57,350 --> 00:09:59,900 There's a really important reason we say this is. 161 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,720 It's connected back to our first principle 162 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:06,880 that all people have inherent worth and dignity, 163 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,550 and so is there a person without a body? 164 00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:12,939 Probably not. 165 00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:14,730 I haven't finished answering that question. 166 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:19,470 I'm not really joking, but the bodies 167 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:20,630 are the important things. 168 00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:24,030 The bodies are what come to our congregations and communities, 169 00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,970 so the bodies have to be addressed as the location 170 00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:29,550 of spiritual and ethical life. 171 00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:33,470 And access is good for everyone. 172 00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:35,600 You can think of this lots of different ways, 173 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,150 but at least one of the easiest ways 174 00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:42,260 is that there are people who are disabled early in life, 175 00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:45,190 but there are other people who are hurt an accidents 176 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:50,730 or who lose function or ability as they age or become ill. 177 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,570 And so the more space we make for all people 178 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,560 to come together, the more people 179 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,750 are able to come together. 180 00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:03,470 Does that makes sense-- the old story versus the new story? 181 00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:05,750 If you can type some stuff in the chat, that'll 182 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:13,850 help me, because normally, I watch people's faces, right? 183 00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:19,930 Another reason that we want to have this conversation 184 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:23,940 is that the words we use, we know they're powerful. 185 00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:30,480 So one way to think of this use of words 186 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:34,925 is from Te-Nehisi Coates, who says, "what the power names you 187 00:11:34,925 --> 00:11:38,910 has consequence, regardless of whether you are that thing 188 00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:40,440 or not." 189 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,030 You know about that. 190 00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:45,220 You know about hearing when you were a kid that 191 00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:50,140 sticks and stones can break your bones, and then thinking, 192 00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:53,160 well, a word may not break my bone, 193 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,580 but it'll hurt my feelings. 194 00:11:56,580 --> 00:12:00,470 So when we look at the language we use about disability, 195 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,330 then we're saying one of the things we're going to do 196 00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:09,269 is give that power back to the people who have it. 197 00:12:09,269 --> 00:12:11,060 I'm going to tell you a story that happened 198 00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:14,030 to me not too long ago. 199 00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:17,860 I was in the car, and we stopped at a light. 200 00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:19,800 I was the passenger. 201 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,910 And there was a person who came to cross the street, 202 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,990 and he was very short. 203 00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:28,930 And I had this experience of wondering 204 00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:32,180 what I should call him. 205 00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,000 Is he dwarf? 206 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,200 I'm pretty sure midget is the bad word. 207 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:38,910 Like, what else? 208 00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:39,710 What are the names? 209 00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:40,340 Little people? 210 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,820 Is that real. 211 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:46,280 And then I realized this; one of the reasons 212 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:50,090 that I was having trouble deciding on a language 213 00:12:50,090 --> 00:12:52,970 is that I wasn't thinking of him as a person 214 00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:57,240 as much as a medical situation. 215 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,590 So I'm mentioning that because that's 216 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:03,005 one of the things I fight against very often in my work 217 00:13:03,005 --> 00:13:06,190 is to say to people that disability isn't medical 218 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:09,130 when it comes to bringing in community. 219 00:13:09,130 --> 00:13:11,850 It's just an experience. 220 00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:14,240 So it's kind of a defensive posture 221 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,900 to say, hey, what's the medical stuff here? 222 00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:19,880 Because he's a guy crossing the street. 223 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,760 There was no medical stuff there. 224 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,690 We weren't going to do anything like hang pictures in my house. 225 00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:30,310 We were just going to be people in the same situation for just 226 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,110 a moment. 227 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:35,510 But when you find yourself struggling about the words, 228 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,030 one thing to do is remember that you don't have 229 00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:40,700 to be a doctor, unless you are. 230 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,560 But even if you're a doctor, when 231 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,390 you're doing the work from this webinar, 232 00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:47,840 you're just being a person. 233 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,670 So one thing that we can do is not 234 00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:55,370 worry about the medical part and worry about the people part. 235 00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:57,514 The people part in that situation 236 00:13:57,514 --> 00:13:58,930 is going to get across the street, 237 00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:01,450 have the rest of his day to do his things, 238 00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:05,060 and I was going to remember and realize, like, oh, 239 00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:08,570 that's a language I should check up on. 240 00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,660 In fact, I did. 241 00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:15,060 There are some terms are acceptable-- dwarf, 242 00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:18,720 little person, person with dwarfism, 243 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:27,320 and midget is considered offensive and a slur. 244 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,660 As we talk about this, one of the things 245 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,670 we're going to talk about is the paradigm 246 00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:35,670 of offer and invitation. 247 00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:37,930 You will see that there are various offers that you 248 00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:45,560 can make, but if it's an invitation, a real one, then 249 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:51,130 yes and no both have to be acceptable answers. 250 00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:53,870 If I invite you to come to my house for dinner, 251 00:14:53,870 --> 00:14:57,690 but you can only say yes, it's more like a coercion 252 00:14:57,690 --> 00:15:00,630 or a manipulation. 253 00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:04,520 It matters because sometimes as we have conversations 254 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:10,430 for participation and conversations for inclusion, 255 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:14,630 people might say, no. 256 00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:17,540 Some people don't even identify as disabled-- we'll 257 00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:21,350 get to that in a minute-- and they might get grouchy. 258 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:24,920 Part of the reason that people get grouchy around access 259 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,540 is that they've been hurt before, 260 00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:30,620 and they're either worried or hurt currently 261 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,260 when they're being grouchy. 262 00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:36,810 It doesn't excuse rude behavior, still have community standards, 263 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,760 covenant, and living together as beloved, 264 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:46,950 but it's a really hard thing to see people struggle 265 00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:49,460 because they've been hurt their whole lives, 266 00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:52,300 and they're wondering if this is just one more time 267 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,430 they're going to be hurt. 268 00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:58,830 So your answer for that, one possibility for you 269 00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:02,840 is to have an open-door policy; hey, I thought of this way 270 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,690 to offer more participation or easier participation or maximum 271 00:16:06,690 --> 00:16:09,390 participation or better participation, 272 00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:11,914 but my door's always open. 273 00:16:11,914 --> 00:16:13,080 We can always talk about it. 274 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:17,400 Here's how you get a hold of me so that we can continuing 275 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,650 in conversation about it. 276 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:23,020 Recently that was one thing I encountered as far 277 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:27,530 as the larger culture in the UMA or the UUA-- 278 00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:31,840 that there are places in particular where I participate 279 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,550 where it seems helpful to me to keep the conversation 280 00:16:35,550 --> 00:16:39,490 ongoing throughout the year and not just at events. 281 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:43,650 Now, remember, the Te-Nehisi quote, where he said, 282 00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:47,200 "what the power names you has consequences?" 283 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,480 One thing you can offer is to give that power back 284 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,860 to the person-- self identification. 285 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:56,020 Do they want to be called a person with a disability? 286 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:59,840 I do, because very often people call me 'wheelchair.' You would 287 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,520 think that wouldn't happen, but it does. 288 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,550 The bus driver will say, the wheelchair is getting off here. 289 00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:11,050 Well, I'm hoping to go with it. 290 00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:15,060 So because people call me a wheelchair sometimes, 291 00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:19,099 I prefer to call myself a person with a disability. 292 00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:21,920 Some people say that's too artificial 293 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:27,119 and that they would rather be called a disabled person. 294 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,280 That's fine. 295 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:29,950 It works. 296 00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:32,380 I use both in my writing and work. 297 00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:35,390 Some people don't want to be called disabled, just simply 298 00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:38,760 autistic, if that's their condition. 299 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,610 Some people identify as both, autistic and disabled, 300 00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:46,230 and other people don't identify as disabled, and rather just 301 00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:48,980 deaf, including culturally deaf people who grew up 302 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,830 in families with deafness. 303 00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:54,000 And some people who you would see and say, oh , 304 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,800 that person's disabled, say, I'm not disabled. 305 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,642 And so that's their right. 306 00:18:01,642 --> 00:18:05,420 It's their right to tell their own story and name themselves. 307 00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:09,560 So the question is simply just, how do you identify? 308 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,410 How do you discuss? 309 00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:13,860 And then anything you can offer? 310 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,360 You're used to this because you have 311 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,662 to talk to people about important things-- 312 00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:22,176 a calm space for discussion. 313 00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:24,050 So that means you've done the work beforehand 314 00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:30,460 about your own fears and repulsion. 315 00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:33,030 It depends the time of life and the things 316 00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:36,900 we're going through how we feel about matters like this, about 317 00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:41,960 bodies and lives and struggles. 318 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,760 But you know how to take of yourself. 319 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,420 This is one of those areas where you're 320 00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:47,330 going to have to look and see if there's 321 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:49,940 anything that's tender and new that needs 322 00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:53,050 care before you take it on. 323 00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:55,056 Some people might want only talk about it 324 00:18:55,056 --> 00:18:58,930 as a private discussion, and other people just 325 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:02,680 need to let you know what they need and get on with their day. 326 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,580 Recently I had a conversation before a training, 327 00:19:05,580 --> 00:19:07,520 and the trainer asked me, well, we're 328 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,570 going to play a game that involves playing catch. 329 00:19:10,570 --> 00:19:15,040 Is that OK with you? 330 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:19,150 I don't get worked up about those kinds of things anymore. 331 00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:22,880 I might have when I was younger, but I said, sure, it's fine. 332 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,524 I'll just work it out. 333 00:19:24,524 --> 00:19:27,210 And it turned out that I just pulled up a chair 334 00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:32,490 to the circle, and then the rest was sort of community provided. 335 00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:34,990 There was a person who would catch the ball right before me. 336 00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:37,330 She would hand it to me. 337 00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:40,160 And once I knew that she wasn't going to chuck it at me, 338 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:44,030 then I felt I could calmly participate. 339 00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:45,780 But that wasn't something I needed to have 340 00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:48,359 a private conversation about. 341 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,775 There be some things I need to have a private conversation 342 00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:56,700 about, but I'll just let people know. 343 00:19:56,700 --> 00:20:01,330 Out-of-the-box thinking is another thing you can offer. 344 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:06,360 We do have programs and systems and rules, 345 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:10,810 but there's also more than one way to do things. 346 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:14,590 And you'll find that people who have disabilities 347 00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:15,960 begin to adapt. 348 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,960 That's one of the hidden strengths of disabilities. 349 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,710 And so as they adapt for themselves, 350 00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:24,670 they'll bring that with them to their other contexts. 351 00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:28,140 We'll talk more about specific adaptations later, 352 00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,700 but that's one of the things that you can think of 353 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:35,735 is adaptation as a strength as you go into the conversation. 354 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,870 The point it becomes hard is when 355 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:43,110 people feel that adaptation is changing it or damaging 356 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:47,860 it or ruining the thing. 357 00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:49,780 So you might have some reaction to that, 358 00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,500 that adaptation makes you nervous, 359 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:53,890 but you can work out why. 360 00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:57,510 Is it because it's making the experience of less value, 361 00:20:57,510 --> 00:21:00,600 or because you're not certain, or because you 362 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,120 want to make sure that it's successful? 363 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,230 There could be a lot of things at stake, and it's OK. 364 00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:07,830 There's nothing wrong that. 365 00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:11,780 Just the question is, if the adaptation seems challenging, 366 00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:13,855 why is that? 367 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:17,400 Does that makes sense? 368 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,630 All right, well, recently we had an action 369 00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:25,560 of public witness [INAUDIBLE], and there was a beautiful song 370 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,152 by a teenager from the Laramie tribe. 371 00:21:28,152 --> 00:21:30,610 I don't know how many of you had the privilege to see that, 372 00:21:30,610 --> 00:21:34,640 but one of the things she mentioned to the assembled body 373 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,440 was that she has a lot of anxiety. 374 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,820 And I talked to your individually, 375 00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:43,010 and I could see that it was hard for her to have a conversation. 376 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,010 I mean, she was friendly and kind, 377 00:21:45,010 --> 00:21:47,490 but it was a little bit stressful for her 378 00:21:47,490 --> 00:21:49,420 to talk to a stranger. 379 00:21:49,420 --> 00:21:53,380 What her family did was that they recorded the video 380 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,256 of her singing the song. 381 00:21:55,256 --> 00:21:56,880 So it was like a music video that you'd 382 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,530 see on television or on the internet. 383 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:02,260 So she was able to do her work, her art, 384 00:22:02,260 --> 00:22:05,950 without the anxiety getting in the way. 385 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,690 To me, that was a really good example of out-of-the-box 386 00:22:08,690 --> 00:22:11,730 thinking because she had a lot express. 387 00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:14,380 But if it was up to her to perform that song live, 388 00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:21,450 it probably would have been too hard. 389 00:22:21,450 --> 00:22:23,830 What else can we offer? 390 00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:29,070 We can offer open-ended, nonjudgmental questions. 391 00:22:29,070 --> 00:22:36,230 So I've had people ask me this, what's wrong with you? 392 00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:36,990 Guess what? 393 00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:39,060 I'm don't want you to ask me that. 394 00:22:39,060 --> 00:22:41,280 I don't want you to ask me what's wrong with me. 395 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,320 A, it's probably not their business if they're asking, 396 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:50,350 and, b, there's nothing much wrong with me. 397 00:22:50,350 --> 00:22:53,620 So you wouldn't do that, I know, but it's an example 398 00:22:53,620 --> 00:22:55,610 of a question not to ask. 399 00:22:55,610 --> 00:23:00,040 Another kind of question not to ask is, 400 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:04,530 are you going to have a problem doing x,y and z activity? 401 00:23:04,530 --> 00:23:07,550 Well, the reason that question isn't the best 402 00:23:07,550 --> 00:23:12,910 is that assumes a problem, and nobody wants 403 00:23:12,910 --> 00:23:17,100 to be assumed to be a problem. 404 00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:18,910 And I'm going to give you a side note. 405 00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:21,140 You ready for a side note, a pro tip? 406 00:23:21,140 --> 00:23:29,450 So I've had people helping me with my scooter who joke 407 00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:33,640 and say, you're such a problem. 408 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:38,340 And they're laughing and smiling and joking. 409 00:23:38,340 --> 00:23:42,550 But it's a pro tip because I know 410 00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:44,340 it wouldn't occur to you to naturally do 411 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,570 that because you've trained yourself to be 412 00:23:46,570 --> 00:23:48,285 appropriate and sensitive. 413 00:23:48,285 --> 00:23:50,500 But I think one of the reasons those things happen 414 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:53,570 is that people get uncomfortable, 415 00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:57,020 and so they say inappropriate and awkward things. 416 00:23:57,020 --> 00:24:00,350 And so really the questions that we want to ask 417 00:24:00,350 --> 00:24:02,940 are more open-ended; can you think 418 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:06,100 of anything that would help you participate more fully? 419 00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:09,770 Do you have any concerns about doing x, y and z activity? 420 00:24:09,770 --> 00:24:13,240 It is a yes or no question, but it opens the gate 421 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,420 to further conversation. 422 00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:18,510 So if they say, well, I'm a little worry about it, 423 00:24:18,510 --> 00:24:21,350 then you can either talk about the worry or the process 424 00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:25,900 or both and go from there. 425 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,520 Yeah, like that; that's great. 426 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,490 So that's what we're shooting for. 427 00:24:29,490 --> 00:24:33,820 We're shooting for conversations that are collaborative. 428 00:24:33,820 --> 00:24:38,890 So that's the opportunity with those questions. 429 00:24:38,890 --> 00:24:41,460 The keys to participation-- there 430 00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:47,520 are no three magic ways or seven helpful methods. 431 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:53,700 The means of maximizing participation is relationship. 432 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:59,350 So one of the challenges you're going to encounter 433 00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:02,750 is that at times, access needs will seem 434 00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:07,200 to compete with one another. 435 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:12,630 So one child will need space to make noise and move around, 436 00:25:12,630 --> 00:25:14,570 and the other child may be distracted 437 00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:17,990 by that kind of environment. 438 00:25:17,990 --> 00:25:22,860 But what there is to do is, again, ask the question, 439 00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:24,770 what are we trying to get at? 440 00:25:24,770 --> 00:25:26,660 What's the experience? 441 00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:31,580 And how do we make things happen for everyone? 442 00:25:31,580 --> 00:25:36,610 One thing I learned this past year being a ministerial intern 443 00:25:36,610 --> 00:25:38,800 was that I can't really break the church. 444 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,110 I can break it. 445 00:25:41,110 --> 00:25:43,530 It's going to be there no matter what, and what 446 00:25:43,530 --> 00:25:46,250 I'm shooting for is a learning experience that 447 00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:48,520 includes the maximum number of people 448 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,340 to their maximum benefit. 449 00:25:51,340 --> 00:25:52,820 It's sort of the same thing. 450 00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,610 You're in the situation where you can't break it, 451 00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:58,200 but you can make it more awesome, 452 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,110 and so that's what you're going to aim for. 453 00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:03,130 And as you build the relationships, 454 00:26:03,130 --> 00:26:05,200 as you show that you're available 455 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,940 for the complications, for the conversation that 456 00:26:07,940 --> 00:26:16,530 have complexity, then more things will be able to arise. 457 00:26:16,530 --> 00:26:20,890 We do have a sheet with the resources, 458 00:26:20,890 --> 00:26:25,860 and I want to talk to you about one more thing. 459 00:26:25,860 --> 00:26:28,010 So I'll show you that briefly. 460 00:26:28,010 --> 00:26:33,070 And then I would love for you to be preparing your questions. 461 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:36,060 So in just a moment, I'm going to show you 462 00:26:36,060 --> 00:26:43,960 another video that helps us identify what 463 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:49,100 it is, why is this conversation a container for so 464 00:26:49,100 --> 00:26:59,310 much transformation? 465 00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:11,345 Speaker 2: OK, bye. 466 00:27:11,345 --> 00:27:13,845 Theresa I. Soto: It'll be just another moment while I put it 467 00:27:13,845 --> 00:27:27,470 in the Go To Meeting. 468 00:27:27,470 --> 00:27:29,850 Now, what I want you notice when you're watching 469 00:27:29,850 --> 00:27:34,980 this is the comparison between the old story 470 00:27:34,980 --> 00:27:36,850 and the new story. 471 00:27:36,850 --> 00:27:43,240 So the old story says disabled bodies worse than abled bodies, 472 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,410 and it's almost a story of knowing, right? 473 00:27:46,410 --> 00:27:50,330 So you already always know that blind people 474 00:27:50,330 --> 00:27:53,410 have an experience that's less. 475 00:27:53,410 --> 00:27:56,210 But this video shows us something different. 476 00:27:56,210 --> 00:28:00,480 It shows us how different ways of learning and knowing 477 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:11,252 can be equally valid. 478 00:28:11,252 --> 00:28:19,870 [VIDEO PLAYBACK] 479 00:28:19,870 --> 00:28:22,270 -When I close my eyes, I see a gentle light. 480 00:28:22,270 --> 00:28:24,030 I have no concept of the color. 481 00:28:24,030 --> 00:28:27,100 I just want to state, I have no sight. 482 00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:31,420 So beauty for me now means real simple things, 483 00:28:31,420 --> 00:28:34,400 I mean, just the simple things-- just opening my eyes 484 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,900 in the morning, listening to the birds outside my window, 485 00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:39,900 chirping. 486 00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:42,690 It's a feeling that I'm alive. 487 00:28:42,690 --> 00:28:45,860 -To me, beauty is character, personality, 488 00:28:45,860 --> 00:28:48,214 the way people carry their self. 489 00:28:48,214 --> 00:28:50,130 Basically, it's just a way a person, you know, 490 00:28:50,130 --> 00:28:52,970 and some people could be very pretty and beautiful 491 00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:55,320 inside just by the way they carry their selves 492 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,841 or are concerned about my situation. 493 00:28:59,841 --> 00:29:02,450 -I think beauty is experience. 494 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:05,090 So an experience, what I mean by that is, 495 00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:09,350 you know, the smell of warm baked cookies, 496 00:29:09,350 --> 00:29:11,540 the warm breeze against your skin, 497 00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:14,480 the feel of grass underneath your feet 498 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,440 when you're walking in the front yard. 499 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,740 -Going to the beach and sitting by the shore to me is beauty 500 00:29:21,740 --> 00:29:26,502 and just imagining what the ocean looked like right now, 501 00:29:26,502 --> 00:29:27,543 what the sky looked like. 502 00:29:27,543 --> 00:29:29,860 That's beauty for me. 503 00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:32,752 At times it can be overwhelming, because when you're blind, 504 00:29:32,752 --> 00:29:35,710 you're life consists of nothing but feelings. 505 00:29:35,710 --> 00:29:36,840 Every day is a feeling. 506 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,780 -I feel that losing my sight has been 507 00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:43,341 a blessing, which means I don't care what nationality somebody 508 00:29:43,341 --> 00:29:43,840 is. 509 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,370 I don't care how tall somebody is. 510 00:29:45,370 --> 00:29:48,220 I don't care how big or small they are. 511 00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:52,500 A person is beautiful because they are true to themselves. 512 00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:56,160 -I have three babies, 12 and 9, and my daughter just turned 3. 513 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,009 And to me they're all beautiful, and I don't even 514 00:29:59,009 --> 00:30:00,050 know what they look like. 515 00:30:00,050 --> 00:30:01,091 They're beautiful inside. 516 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,900 They're me. you know. 517 00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:05,280 They're me. 518 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,800 -Beauty for me is calm. 519 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,380 Beauty for me is peace. 520 00:30:10,380 --> 00:30:12,374 -I don't really need my eyes to enjoy beauty. 521 00:30:12,374 --> 00:30:14,570 That's beauty for me. 522 00:30:14,570 --> 00:30:18,905 -But it's also people being and doing what is right 523 00:30:18,905 --> 00:30:20,845 or what is good and caring about each other. 524 00:30:20,845 --> 00:30:26,860 Beauty Is an experience of living and finding joy. 525 00:30:26,860 --> 00:30:42,180 I feel like joy is the most beautiful thing in the world. 526 00:30:42,180 --> 00:30:43,454 [END PLAYBACK] 527 00:30:43,454 --> 00:30:45,120 Theresa I. Soto: Did that video give you 528 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,020 a sense that blind people can see, 529 00:30:47,020 --> 00:30:52,450 but it's different that what you can see? 530 00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:57,480 That's what that video makes me think. 531 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:03,360 So let's sum up a little bit a few 532 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,390 of the things that we've talked about. 533 00:31:06,390 --> 00:31:12,280 One is that of the reasons to have this conversation 534 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,790 is that it's hard for people to talk about disability 535 00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:23,370 when they are afraid or repelled by the actual conditions 536 00:31:23,370 --> 00:31:26,040 of the person in front of them. 537 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,460 That creates like a static that people experience when they're 538 00:31:29,460 --> 00:31:31,790 about to have a conversation. 539 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:38,050 But you're going to use that to know yourself and combine 540 00:31:38,050 --> 00:31:40,840 knowledge of your own static about disability 541 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,520 with your other skills. 542 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,620 You already have skills for having 543 00:31:44,620 --> 00:31:49,400 really important conversations, for being kind and welcoming. 544 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,940 All those things are going already come together. 545 00:31:52,940 --> 00:31:58,140 So then there are specific things you can offer. 546 00:31:58,140 --> 00:32:03,130 You can offer to a person the ability to name themselves. 547 00:32:03,130 --> 00:32:05,850 You can offer to a person a calm space 548 00:32:05,850 --> 00:32:10,860 to discuss anything that arises from the experience of being 549 00:32:10,860 --> 00:32:13,920 disabled in your congregation or community. 550 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,790 And then also you can offer that you're 551 00:32:17,790 --> 00:32:19,960 going to have an open-door policy 552 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,250 and be able to discuss things at anytime. 553 00:32:23,250 --> 00:32:28,700 So there's a variety of things you're going to combine, 554 00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:31,130 and it might not always be easy. 555 00:32:31,130 --> 00:32:33,950 It might not always be straightforward. 556 00:32:33,950 --> 00:32:36,950 You yourselves are together in a community 557 00:32:36,950 --> 00:32:39,450 and can offer support. 558 00:32:39,450 --> 00:32:42,840 There's also Equal Access, which is an organization that 559 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,590 works in conjunction with the UUA 560 00:32:45,590 --> 00:32:49,665 to provide access and inclusion for Unitarian Universalists 561 00:32:49,665 --> 00:32:51,450 with disabilities. 562 00:32:51,450 --> 00:32:54,720 So when it comes to adults participating in community, 563 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,300 that's a really good resource for us, 564 00:32:57,300 --> 00:32:59,370 and then you have the resources that you're 565 00:32:59,370 --> 00:33:03,570 accustomed to as you deal with children and families. 566 00:33:03,570 --> 00:33:06,960 A combination of things makes a difference for us 567 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:11,770 because it's not like we're doing this work in a vacuum. 568 00:33:11,770 --> 00:33:17,415 So, as you learn more, as you practice affirming, 569 00:33:17,415 --> 00:33:19,170 those are the things you're going 570 00:33:19,170 --> 00:33:21,750 to continue to check into. 571 00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:42,880 And I have to click a couple of things. 572 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:51,970 Let's go ahead and take some time now to just breathe, 573 00:33:51,970 --> 00:33:58,130 and go ahead and relax your shoulders, 574 00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,780 wiggle your hands and feet. 575 00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:04,850 One time I asked somebody to do that before I prayed with them, 576 00:34:04,850 --> 00:34:07,760 and they said, oh, Theresa, I don't have any toes. 577 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,159 And I was like, all right, you don't 578 00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:11,850 have to have toes for this. 579 00:34:11,850 --> 00:34:14,165 And they showed me their beautiful surgery site, 580 00:34:14,165 --> 00:34:20,139 and then said, yeah, I got really good care. 581 00:34:20,139 --> 00:34:23,840 So don't be surprised if someone doesn't have toes. 582 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,060 The plan is relaxing, breathing smoothly. 583 00:34:27,060 --> 00:34:30,570 As we think about different things that are possible, 584 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:33,469 as we think about talking about disability for people 585 00:34:33,469 --> 00:34:37,889 to be able to participate, as we think about the words we use, 586 00:34:37,889 --> 00:34:40,560 and as we think about some powerful examples 587 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,820 that we saw of blind people who can see, 588 00:34:44,820 --> 00:34:49,409 just differently than other people see. 589 00:34:49,409 --> 00:34:52,270 Take a moment to check in with yourself 590 00:34:52,270 --> 00:34:56,429 about what it is that you want to take away. 591 00:34:56,429 --> 00:34:59,120 How would you like to apply these skills? 592 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,960 In just a moment, we'll come back together, 593 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:32,640 and we'll do questions. 594 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:43,505 All right, do you nave questions for me today? 595 00:35:43,505 --> 00:35:44,880 Speaker 3: Great, yes, I was just 596 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:49,700 going to ask people to type into the chat box 597 00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:52,830 and Greta is asking, what do you think of the expression 598 00:35:52,830 --> 00:35:56,140 'please rise as you are willing and able' 599 00:35:56,140 --> 00:35:58,940 and the expression 'differently abled' 600 00:35:58,940 --> 00:36:02,760 and Germane had that same question, as do many of us, 601 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,042 I'm sure. 602 00:36:05,042 --> 00:36:06,500 Theresa I. Soto: Please rise as you 603 00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:09,370 are willing and able-- the first I heard it, 604 00:36:09,370 --> 00:36:11,482 I thought it was amazing. 605 00:36:11,482 --> 00:36:14,280 I was like, that's amazing. 606 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,000 There's more than one option. 607 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,870 And now I'm hearing sort of push back against it. 608 00:36:19,870 --> 00:36:22,890 Like, why do we have to specify that? 609 00:36:22,890 --> 00:36:26,150 Why can't it just be that you rise as you're able? 610 00:36:26,150 --> 00:36:27,230 Of course we're willing. 611 00:36:27,230 --> 00:36:30,430 It might not be the best situation. 612 00:36:30,430 --> 00:36:34,080 I think it's OK to check in with your community, 613 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:41,460 but I also think it would be OK to say rise in body or spirit, 614 00:36:41,460 --> 00:36:46,700 because then it's like rise however you want, and then not 615 00:36:46,700 --> 00:36:50,220 so much about whether or not you're able. 616 00:36:50,220 --> 00:36:53,170 I kind of like that better. 617 00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:57,200 Also, differently abled-- I'm kind of hardcore on this, 618 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,755 and it's one of those questions about letting the person name 619 00:36:59,755 --> 00:37:00,255 themselves. 620 00:37:00,255 --> 00:37:03,750 I don't want people to call me differently 621 00:37:03,750 --> 00:37:11,730 abled or handicapable. 622 00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:13,190 I'm just disabled. 623 00:37:13,190 --> 00:37:14,820 I know what I am. 624 00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:19,320 But for someone else, if they have concern around it, 625 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,310 and they don't want people to think they're unable, 626 00:37:22,310 --> 00:37:24,460 see that's where it becomes tricky. 627 00:37:24,460 --> 00:37:27,050 Because for some people, the word disabled has 628 00:37:27,050 --> 00:37:34,020 the subcontext of 'unable.' and so no one wants to feel that 629 00:37:34,020 --> 00:37:37,600 they're unable, and so they choose different words. 630 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:38,980 You could just check in on that. 631 00:37:38,980 --> 00:37:42,040 It's OK. 632 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,040 And then, yeah, don't call me differently abled. 633 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,170 And That's weird. 634 00:37:46,170 --> 00:37:48,840 I don't like it. 635 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,310 I'm wondering about hymns. 636 00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:59,310 So here's the thing; I am pretty against the 'standing 637 00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:00,585 on the side of love' language. 638 00:38:00,585 --> 00:38:05,250 I'm pretty against it, and people who know me 639 00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:07,940 know that I'm pretty against it. 640 00:38:07,940 --> 00:38:12,260 And so I have one standing outside of the item, 641 00:38:12,260 --> 00:38:16,450 and that is a clergy [INAUDIBLE]. 642 00:38:16,450 --> 00:38:19,375 Because I don't intend to be clergy all by myself. 643 00:38:19,375 --> 00:38:21,250 I'm doing it in community. 644 00:38:21,250 --> 00:38:25,730 My community has this thing, so I almost feel I have no choice. 645 00:38:25,730 --> 00:38:28,340 But I don't dig it. 646 00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:31,410 Because what it does is create that language 647 00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:32,770 as equivalent to justice. 648 00:38:32,770 --> 00:38:35,257 So I 'stand on the side of love' to be just. 649 00:38:35,257 --> 00:38:35,840 You know what? 650 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,420 I do my best work sitting down, and I'm over it. 651 00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:43,270 I'm over language that doesn't include me and people like me. 652 00:38:43,270 --> 00:38:50,420 So at times, some of my classmates 653 00:38:50,420 --> 00:38:55,950 actually wrote new words for "Guide my Feet." 654 00:38:55,950 --> 00:38:59,130 That's the one about "while I run this race that I might not 655 00:38:59,130 --> 00:39:03,270 run this race in vain." 656 00:39:03,270 --> 00:39:06,990 Sometimes I just cry in worship because I 657 00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:10,060 feel like those things are really leaving out 658 00:39:10,060 --> 00:39:12,690 of me and my experience. 659 00:39:12,690 --> 00:39:16,340 And I'm 200% here for Unitarian Universalism, 660 00:39:16,340 --> 00:39:20,650 and it can't even be bothered not to talk about me like that. 661 00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:22,660 It's not real, right? 662 00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:27,370 It's not real, but that's my emotional feeling at the time 663 00:39:27,370 --> 00:39:32,000 that 500 of my dearest people are singing this song. 664 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:37,600 So I think that here's what I'd recommend about those metaphors 665 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:42,000 and using those songs. 666 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,670 I just want one simple thing; I want, 667 00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:47,570 if we're going to sing "Guide my Feet," for someone 668 00:39:47,570 --> 00:39:49,970 to say two lines before we sing it, 669 00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:53,086 like, hey, not everyone runs, so we're 670 00:39:53,086 --> 00:39:54,710 going to sing this song as a community, 671 00:39:54,710 --> 00:39:59,700 and remember that you don't have to run to be in life's journey. 672 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,520 That's pretty fast, right? 673 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:05,660 And then it's also respectful. 674 00:40:05,660 --> 00:40:08,881 No, I do well as the kids books with we right now. 675 00:40:08,881 --> 00:40:10,130 I should have thought of that. 676 00:40:10,130 --> 00:40:12,463 I should have thought that you guys would be interested. 677 00:40:12,463 --> 00:40:17,620 But I will follow up and talk about that-- 678 00:40:17,620 --> 00:40:22,640 include more than just that, so books, toys, movies, 679 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,110 and I'll go ahead and pass that on to Susan 680 00:40:26,110 --> 00:40:29,120 so that we can share it. 681 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,710 Speaker 3: That's great, and, Teresa, I also 682 00:40:31,710 --> 00:40:35,190 have a list of children's books related to this, 683 00:40:35,190 --> 00:40:40,020 so we can pool our resources and get it out to everybody. 684 00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:43,810 Camilla had another question asking 685 00:40:43,810 --> 00:40:45,840 if you have any suggestions as how 686 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,190 to relay these types of skills to children 687 00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:52,790 who are in a group with someone who has a disability. 688 00:40:52,790 --> 00:40:56,450 Theresa I. Soto: Yes, so children 689 00:40:56,450 --> 00:40:58,310 could watch a video like the video 690 00:40:58,310 --> 00:41:00,690 with the blind people in it, maybe not whole thing, 691 00:41:00,690 --> 00:41:04,460 maybe like a minute or two, and notice. 692 00:41:04,460 --> 00:41:09,090 And also notice that they might be nervous, 693 00:41:09,090 --> 00:41:10,630 but sometimes they're not nervous. 694 00:41:10,630 --> 00:41:12,436 Sometimes they're just like, well, I'll I 695 00:41:12,436 --> 00:41:15,340 want to know is how they want to play. 696 00:41:15,340 --> 00:41:17,270 Do they want to play with cars? 697 00:41:17,270 --> 00:41:19,200 Do they want to play outside? 698 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,710 What do they like? 699 00:41:20,710 --> 00:41:24,850 So you could practice on how to be respectful. 700 00:41:24,850 --> 00:41:26,690 I'm not talking about simulations 701 00:41:26,690 --> 00:41:31,000 because I think those are weird, and the reason 702 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:35,970 I think they're weird is that they ingrain privilege. 703 00:41:35,970 --> 00:41:38,500 So like, I'm going to put on a blindfold, 704 00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,500 and then I'm going to take it off, 705 00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:43,080 and that's really going to minimize 706 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,430 the experience of someone who cant' see and has 707 00:41:45,430 --> 00:41:49,070 a different life because of it. 708 00:41:49,070 --> 00:41:50,770 But you could practice. 709 00:41:50,770 --> 00:41:55,480 You could also read the stories or have an adult come in 710 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,320 and talk about their childhood and what it was like. 711 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,330 So you have a lot of different options, 712 00:42:00,330 --> 00:42:02,920 and I think the most important skills that you're 713 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,650 going to bring to that conversation is two things; 714 00:42:05,650 --> 00:42:10,690 one, I would have some of that happen 715 00:42:10,690 --> 00:42:13,870 without making the child with the disability 716 00:42:13,870 --> 00:42:16,540 the center of the conversation. 717 00:42:16,540 --> 00:42:19,890 And then the other thing is that you're going 718 00:42:19,890 --> 00:42:21,420 to use some of the same things. 719 00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:23,680 So you're going to have a calm space for discussion 720 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,910 of the other children's concerns. 721 00:42:25,910 --> 00:42:28,430 You're going to give them examples and show them 722 00:42:28,430 --> 00:42:30,080 how to be successful. 723 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:35,990 So if you're saying, we have classmate who is 724 00:42:35,990 --> 00:42:39,240 hard-of-hearing, - and so one thing that you're going to do 725 00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:42,240 is make sure they can see your face when you talk, 726 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:44,490 and you're just going to demonstrate that and show how 727 00:42:44,490 --> 00:42:47,580 it's easy and how they can always do that and always be 728 00:42:47,580 --> 00:42:50,229 successful. 729 00:42:50,229 --> 00:42:51,770 Those are the kinds of things we want 730 00:42:51,770 --> 00:42:55,480 to do with children just to lower anxiety 731 00:42:55,480 --> 00:43:00,700 and also give them ways to deal with things. 732 00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:03,010 Speaker 3: Those are great examples, Theresa. 733 00:43:03,010 --> 00:43:08,690 I'm glad that you made the comments about simulation 734 00:43:08,690 --> 00:43:14,300 activities because I think those have been tools 735 00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:15,925 in the past the people have used, 736 00:43:15,925 --> 00:43:20,400 and I think they make a lot of people uncomfortable, 737 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,010 so I'm glad you said that. 738 00:43:22,010 --> 00:43:24,670 I especially appreciated the comment 739 00:43:24,670 --> 00:43:28,050 about how it ingrains privilege. 740 00:43:28,050 --> 00:43:33,470 I think that's something we can all definitely be aware of. 741 00:43:33,470 --> 00:43:34,870 Are there more questions? 742 00:43:34,870 --> 00:43:42,360 I think I've gone up and down in the chat box here. 743 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:46,680 So if you have another question or comment, 744 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,500 please to put it into the chat box. 745 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:53,170 And, Theresa, we kind of skipped quickly 746 00:43:53,170 --> 00:43:57,277 through the introduction slide, and I 747 00:43:57,277 --> 00:43:58,860 know that you're a ministerial intern, 748 00:43:58,860 --> 00:44:02,520 and you're also Vice President of Equal Access. 749 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,370 I wondered if there's more that you want to share 750 00:44:05,370 --> 00:44:09,530 with us by way of introduction? 751 00:44:09,530 --> 00:44:11,590 Theresa I. Soto: Well, I could tell you 752 00:44:11,590 --> 00:44:15,350 a little bit about my life, which is probably 753 00:44:15,350 --> 00:44:16,690 the most important thing. 754 00:44:16,690 --> 00:44:19,190 So I told you I was born one very small, 755 00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:24,440 and my parents were 23 and 22, and the decision that they made 756 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,990 was that we were a family, and that that's how it was. 757 00:44:27,990 --> 00:44:33,960 So they did everything to make sure that I could make it. 758 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,835 And one thing that I think is interesting 759 00:44:35,835 --> 00:44:39,150 when I think about that in my life is that I was really 760 00:44:39,150 --> 00:44:42,992 small, like 4, 3, and they were like, well, 761 00:44:42,992 --> 00:44:44,450 you've got to learn how to do that. 762 00:44:44,450 --> 00:44:47,910 Who's going to do it for you when you get to college? 763 00:44:47,910 --> 00:44:51,180 And that was really just as act of faith on their part. 764 00:44:51,180 --> 00:44:54,740 They had no way to know that I would even make it that far. 765 00:44:54,740 --> 00:44:59,890 But a couple of examples-- so when I was three, 766 00:44:59,890 --> 00:45:03,070 I had to learn how to practice walking, 767 00:45:03,070 --> 00:45:06,880 but all the parallel bars at the hospital were too big. 768 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:12,460 So my dad built some out of PVC pipe and plywood , 769 00:45:12,460 --> 00:45:13,960 and that's how I practiced walking. 770 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,690 And they said that if they put peanuts on the end, then 771 00:45:16,690 --> 00:45:17,590 I would do it. 772 00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:20,710 So they had treats on either side. 773 00:45:20,710 --> 00:45:23,760 And then, when I was in middle school, 774 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,970 this is before-- you know, now you can go to the store 775 00:45:26,970 --> 00:45:30,090 and buy a backpack with wheels on, no big deal. 776 00:45:30,090 --> 00:45:33,330 But back then I couldn't, and it was too far for me 777 00:45:33,330 --> 00:45:38,470 to walk back and forth between my classroom and the locker. 778 00:45:38,470 --> 00:45:40,330 Like, I would get too tired doing that. 779 00:45:40,330 --> 00:45:44,760 So my dad built me a book bag out of a luggage carrier 780 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:48,200 and wood and upholstery fabric so 781 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,220 that I could have all my books with me 782 00:45:50,220 --> 00:45:55,040 and just pull them from class to class. 783 00:45:55,040 --> 00:46:00,520 So when I talk about adapting, that's 784 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,390 because that's how we did it. 785 00:46:03,390 --> 00:46:06,490 And when I know that more is possible, 786 00:46:06,490 --> 00:46:09,630 that's because they made it possible. 787 00:46:09,630 --> 00:46:13,850 So I have carried that spirit with me. 788 00:46:13,850 --> 00:46:17,130 And a lot of times people will ask me, 789 00:46:17,130 --> 00:46:20,580 can you believe anything as a Unitarian Universalist? 790 00:46:20,580 --> 00:46:23,320 And you know the answer-- no, not really. 791 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,420 But one of the sources that I have for my strong faith 792 00:46:27,420 --> 00:46:31,660 and connection to the world is that family experience. 793 00:46:31,660 --> 00:46:34,390 And the truth is, families today have 794 00:46:34,390 --> 00:46:38,670 a lot of demands on them-- financial, emotional, 795 00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:40,260 just resources. 796 00:46:40,260 --> 00:46:43,840 So if we, as spiritual community, 797 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,500 can be another resource that says, everything's all right; 798 00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:50,640 you belong here with us, It has the power 799 00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:57,390 for huge transformation for the individual for the family 800 00:46:57,390 --> 00:47:00,942 for the city for the world. 801 00:47:00,942 --> 00:47:02,400 And you are the ones that are going 802 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:05,260 to make that possible by the way that you choose 803 00:47:05,260 --> 00:47:08,430 language, by the way that choose our activities 804 00:47:08,430 --> 00:47:10,190 for participation. 805 00:47:10,190 --> 00:47:14,860 All those things really, really matter. 806 00:47:14,860 --> 00:47:16,265 So I'm really proud of you. 807 00:47:16,265 --> 00:47:17,850 I'm proud of your work. 808 00:47:17,850 --> 00:47:20,430 I'm proud of you being here to talk about this today 809 00:47:20,430 --> 00:47:23,180 because it means you're going to try on some things 810 00:47:23,180 --> 00:47:27,350 and try out some things and see what else works. 811 00:47:27,350 --> 00:47:28,950 Because one of the things that carries 812 00:47:28,950 --> 00:47:32,805 this work forward is to say that everybody is good, 813 00:47:32,805 --> 00:47:37,670 and all of us belong here together. 814 00:47:37,670 --> 00:47:40,207 Thank you so much for that. 815 00:47:40,207 --> 00:47:41,790 Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that. 816 00:47:41,790 --> 00:47:44,630 It was really beautiful. 817 00:47:44,630 --> 00:47:48,330 I don't see any more questions in the chat box, 818 00:47:48,330 --> 00:47:53,360 and I know the Theresa does have some closing words to share, 819 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:58,110 so here's your last chance, and if you can type fast enough, 820 00:47:58,110 --> 00:48:01,000 just we'll wait just a couple more seconds 821 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,027 to see if there's another question. 822 00:48:04,027 --> 00:48:05,610 Theresa I. Soto: All right, you ready? 823 00:48:05,610 --> 00:48:08,560 Speaker 3: There are thank-yous coming, so, yeah, 824 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,646 Theresa why don't you go ahead with the closing words. 825 00:48:11,646 --> 00:48:17,052 Theresa I. Soto: All right, take another good breath. 826 00:48:17,052 --> 00:48:20,805 "A living tradition is not bequeathed through some law 827 00:48:20,805 --> 00:48:23,010 of inheritance. 828 00:48:23,010 --> 00:48:27,640 It must be earned not without dust and heat, not 829 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:32,390 without some humbling grace," James Luther Adams. 830 00:48:32,390 --> 00:48:34,727 Thank you for being here today. 831 00:48:34,727 --> 00:48:36,310 Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Theresa. 832 00:48:36,310 --> 00:48:38,380 We really appreciate hearing your story 833 00:48:38,380 --> 00:48:42,190 and all of these great suggestions and words of wisdom 834 00:48:42,190 --> 00:48:44,360 with us. 835 00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:50,030 We do have-- let me go to the next slide-- next month's Faith 836 00:48:50,030 --> 00:48:53,470 Development Webinar is on Peer and Professional 837 00:48:53,470 --> 00:48:55,670 Support for Religious Educators. 838 00:48:55,670 --> 00:48:59,720 We will have members of the Liberal Religious Educators 839 00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:03,920 Association, the [INAUDIBLE] board, talking with us. 840 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:08,600 And also I see that the Renaissance Module 841 00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:11,200 Ministry with Youth is up here in August. 842 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,580 There are a couple of other Renaissance Modules happening 843 00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:17,730 at Ocean Grove that week, so if you need more information 844 00:49:17,730 --> 00:49:22,580 on those, you can look at the schedule, the Modules 845 00:49:22,580 --> 00:49:25,792 page on the UUA website, or you can give me a yell, 846 00:49:25,792 --> 00:49:28,210 and I'll point that to you. 847 00:49:28,210 --> 00:49:33,050 And this webinar has been recorded, 848 00:49:33,050 --> 00:49:36,940 and we will post it online at the URL that's on the screen 849 00:49:36,940 --> 00:49:38,230 right now. 850 00:49:38,230 --> 00:49:42,290 We usually also post the Powerpoint slides there, 851 00:49:42,290 --> 00:49:47,940 and Theresa has included the YouTube video 852 00:49:47,940 --> 00:49:49,690 in her list of resources. 853 00:49:49,690 --> 00:49:55,250 So thank you all for being here, and, Theresa, thank you, again, 854 00:49:55,250 --> 00:49:58,820 for sharing with us, and hopefully we'll 855 00:49:58,820 --> 00:50:02,550 see or talk to you all next month on the webinar. 856 00:50:02,550 --> 00:50:04,560 Thanks a lot for coming today, bye-bye. 857 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,310 Theresa I. Soto: Bye. 858 00:50:06,310 --> 00:50:19,286